The People's Court
by Crazy Moo
Summary: The Rock Meets the People's Court, and takes it over! WWE ppl join in the mix to get their problems solved by The Rock! Jericho VS RVD, many more! Many people show up to join in the madness! rated R becuz ff.net is mean update: 11/27
1. THE PEOPLE'S TRIAL

THE PEOPLES COURT 

Main Characters: (will change chapter to chapter)

-Judge Marilyn Milian

-Bailiff Davie Jones (DTBG or bailiff for short)

-Kevin Kelly (Plaintiff)

-The Rock (Defendant)

-Trish

**Disclaimer:**  These things are pointless. I like most of the wrestlers I make fun of, I don't own anyone, nor do I own the WWE (if I did, why would I be writing fan fictions?).  I don't own the Peoples Court, The Judge, or the Bailiff guy.  The Peoples Court is actually **the WORST** court TV show. I recommend some good Judge Mills Lane, but that wouldn't work with my story line. Some words may seem fake, but really they exist, just in my brain.  I might "accidentally" have a few shameless plugs. **But, Most importantly, read with caution author is NOT responsible for lemming like activity, i.e. Jumping off cliffs or bridges, or/and insanity either permanent or temporary.**   Now that I've finished with that bullshit, onto the real story.

PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!!

(THE PEOPLES COURT ROOM. The Bailiff Davie Jones is standing near a door and the Judge.  On one side is The Rock and on the other stands Kevin Kelly. In the middle, slightly elevated and a little bit farther away from the two is Judge Marilyn Milian.)

Judge:    Alright, has the bailiff sworn in the litigants?

Bailiff:  Yes, ma'am, I have.

Judge:    Let's begin then.  Why are we here today sir?

Kevin:    Well, I work with The Rock.  We both work--

Judge:    I'm sorry sir, but what is your name.

Kevin:    My name is Kevin Kelly ma'am.

Judge:    (to the Rock) And your name sir?

Rock:     My name is the Rock.

Judge:    Sir, I'll need your _real_ name.

Rock:     The People's Champion?

Kevin:    His real name is Dwayne Johnson, he has kind of lost his mind.  He's stuck inside his wrestling gimmick.

Judge:    Oh, okay.  What are you suing Mr. Johnson for?

Kevin:    I'm suing the Rock over Character defamation.  It really makes things easier if you play along with the Rock's gimmick.

Judge:    (confused) Um. Ok. Tell me the story behind this accusation.

Kevin:    Well, as I was saying, I work with Rock in the WWE.  I interview wrestlers, and I tend to interview him very frequently.

Judge:    Believe it or not, I have other cases.  So, drop the background and give me the dirt.

Kevin:    (nervous laugh) Ok, He always works in ways to make fun of me.  But, the one that is the worst is that during every interview, towards the beginning or very end, he calls me a hermaphrodite.

Judge:    Is it just between the two of you? In front of the whole office?

Kevin:    In front of a live audience, all of my co-workers, and anyone who tunes into watch Smackdown! on Thursday nights.

Judge:    An estimate of people?

Kevin:    At least two million.

Judge:    Wow.  Does he call you anything else?

Kevin:    A sick freak, he pushes me out of the way a lot, and asks me questions but slams his hand in my face and tells me to shut the hell up.

Judge:    Anything else you need to add?

Kevin:    I have a clip of him talking to me before a Pay-Per-View my employer held that he was participating in.

Judge:    Let me get his side of the story first.  Sir, can I get your side of the story please?

Rock:     Yes.  This jabronis maybe a co-worker but he is a hermaphrodite.

Judge:    (Kevin Kelly is looking really annoyed)  So you admit to these accusations?

Rock:     The Rock will admit to his accusations because the Rock has more import things to do then battle with this candyass.

Judge:    Excuse me sir, but you will respect this court and NOT cuss.

Rock:     The Rock apologizes for his rudeness. (Edge enters out of nowhere)

Edge:     Whoa, the Rock is apologizing for his rudiocity? That's got to be a first! (He walks out, everyone else is confused, but then moves on and ignores the "incident" that just occurred.)

Judge:    By any chance can you stop referring to yourself in third person?

Rock:     Does not compute.

Judge:    Ok, Rock, listen to me for a second.  You need to stop and think before you talk.  Think, then talk. Ok?

Rock:     (has a look on his face like he's thinking really hard) Think, then talk. The Rock understands. The Rock does not have time to put up with Kevin Kelly and his Shenanigans.

Judge:     Your in a court room.  You really need to take this seriously. You are being disrespectful to me, this court, and you really need to be respectful.

Rock:      What are you 'Takers lawyer or something?

Judge:     Who's 'Taker?

Kevin:     He's referring to the Undertaker.  The Man who is all about respect.

Judge:     I am not Takers Lawyer.  Now, please, take these accusations seriously.  Do you plan to defend yourself at all or was this just a complete waste of my time?

Rock:      The Rock is not out of line.  The Rock is the only one in this room who is thinking straight.  I believe you have lost your mind.

Judge:     Bailiff, can you show this man out of the court room.  We will continue the trial without him until he is needed to answer a few questions.

Rock:      The Rock says you can't kick the People's Champion out of the People's Court!  When The Rock said he had more important thing to do- The Rock was not lying!

Judge:     Bailiff--

Rock:      Sh! (The Rock puts his hand up like he does to all of the people who interview him)  The Rock says you stole the Rock's Court and committed many crimes against the People's Champion.

Judge:     (Appalled)  Excuse me? (Bailiff guy looks confused and is walking over towards the Rock, The Rock gives him an evil look, and he goes and sits next to Kevin Kelly.  Kevin Kelly is reading _The Rock Says BOOK_)

Rock:      The Rock thinks that he has been cheated with a strong injustice.  The Rock says he should be the People's Judge for the People's Court.

Judge:     You can't just wake-up and decide to be a Judge.  You have to go to Law School.

Rock:      The Rock takes people to school all the time.  Let's settle our indifferences in a quick fashion.

Judge:     What are you proposing?

Rock:      The Rock says any match inside the ring would be ok.

Judge:     I'm a judge, I don't wrestle.

Rock:      The Rock says this complicates things.

Judge:     How bout a battle of legal Darden?

Rock:      What's Darden?

Judge:     Language.

Rock:      The Rock doesn't think that would work.  The Rock doesn't want any ideas from a candyass jabronis like you.

Judge:     Excuse me?!? (By this time the bailiff and Kevin Kelly are holding their own little conversation.  Kevin Kelly gave up on reading the Rocks book and is now doing a crossword puzzle from the newspaper.  The Bailiff is helping.  Their conversation seems to be slight mumbles and slowly getting louder.  The Rock and Judge Milian are both confused and trying to think of something that would be fair to both.)

Rock:      The Rock has his own movie. We can test to see who liked whose movie better.

Judge:     (This is turning into a battle of resumes)Never been in a movie.

Rock:      Promos? TV?

Judge:     I have my own TV Show and you're on it right now.

Rock:      I've hosted SNL.

Judge:     I've been made fun of on SNL.

Rock:      Hm...(They both think for a while)

Bailiff:   Seventeen down is Court.

Kevin:     Oh yea, and that makes Twenty-two across proceeding.

Bailiff:   Nine is Wrestling.

Kevin:     Thirty-Three is Water.

Bailiff:   Eleven is hermaphrodite. (Silence, Kevin Kelly gives the guy an evil look) It is! (Kevin looks at his puzzle and fills it in.)

Kevin:     Twenty-One is Warning.

Bailiff:   No, Twenty-One is Shameless Plug.  Oh wait, that's twenty-one down.  (Hey, I warned ya! Check out my other "WWE" *The F sounded better* Fan Fictions and review!)

Kevin:     Ha! You're right. (The Rock interrupts)

Rock:      Will you two hermaphrodites shut the hell up? The Rock and the Judge lady are trying to think of a fair way to settle our dispute.

Kevin:     (W/o looking up) You're in a court room.

Rock:      Point being?

Kevin:     Use it to your advantage.

Judge:     What do you mean?

Kevin:     (still not looking up and filling in answers randomly) Have a mock-trial whoever wins, gets what they want.  Kind of like a screwed up bet.

Judge:     What? (The Rock quickly looks around, almost ready to pounce on somebody)

Rock:      (The Room is silent, staring at Rock suspiciously)  Where are you Austin?

Kevin:     That wasn't Austin, if it was, he would have interrupted by now.

Rock:      Good.  Now, how is this going to work Kevin Kelly.

Kevin:     First, you lost your case to me, so you have to apologize next Smackdown!  Secondly, you get a "Judge" that is completely unbiased--

Bailiff:   --They probably shouldn't know much about law--

Kevin:     --Or Wrestling. (Judge and Rock look even more confused)  I'VE GOT IT! Davie and I will be the judges.  I mean, I have no respect for the Rock because of obvious reasons.

Rock:      Once the Rock gets you in the ring--

Kevin:     Ah, shut the hell up you candyass!

Rock:      (Pouts) That's my line.

DTBG:      (Davie the Bailiff Guy)  Well, sorry Judge, but you order me around a lot more then its needed, so I respect you as much as Kevin respects the Rock....Please don't fire me...

Judge:     Just don't say that in front of anyone else, Davie.

DTBG:      Fair enough Judge, Fair enough.

Judge:     So, how is this all gonna work?

Kevin:     I know about wrestling and Davie knows about Law.  We'll be the judge, Rocky will be the plaintiff and Judge, you'll be the defendant.

Rock:      (Whiny) The Rock just wants The People's Court!

Judge:     I would like to keep my job.  I like being a judge.

Rock:      THE ROCK WANTS IT!!!!!

Kevin:     Stop fighting!  Judge, please go and take the Rock's spot.  Rock please come over here.  Me and Davie will venture up to the Judge's box. (The Four scurry around.  The Rock ends up in the judges box, judge is placed at the Plaintiffs podium, Davie and Kevin are in the middle of the Room.) No, this isn't right.  Rock, you go there (points to the Plaintiffs podium) Judge, you go there. (Points to the Defendants podium)  We go there (Points to Judges box, they all scurry again.  This time they end up  where they all where originally.)

Rock:      (in a state of mass confusion) The Rock lost?

Kevin:     No. (Kevin drags the Rock to the plaintiffs podium.) STAY HERE!

DTBG:      (drags the judge to the defendants podium.) Stay here Judge. (Davie and Kevin walk up to the Judges box.  They both try to sit down.  Davie goes to get another chair)

Kevin:     (when Davie picks up the chair, Kevin flinches) Your not gonna hit me with that right?

DTBG:      I'm gonna sit on it. (Kevin looks relieved)

Kevin:     Now, everyone is in the right spot.  We will begin the proceedings.

DTBG:      Has the bailiff sworn in the litigants?

Kevin:     Dude, your the bailiff.

DTBG:      I found a quick replacement. Bailiff, please enter the court. (Trish walks in)

Trish:     I have sworn in the litigants.

DTBG:      Thanks Trish.

Trish:     No problem (she leaves)

DTBG:      Ok, Rock, What's the problem?

Rock:      I, The Rock, am the People's Champion.  The Rock is not ungrateful to be standing in the People's court, its nothing like that at all. You see, Kevin Kelly and Davie the Bailiff guy, The Rock feels like he is abandoning the People by not being the Judge for the People's Court.

DTBG:      Can you not talk in third person?

Rock:      Your request confuses the Rock.

Kevin:     (whispering to DTBG) Don't try to make him stop the third person thing, he'll give you the people's elbow or something.

DTBG:      That can't be good.

Kevin:     No, its really not. Anything you would like to add Rock?

Rock:      (Whiny) THE ROCK WANTS TO BE THE PEOPLE'S JUDGEEEEEE!!

DTBG:      But you're already the People's Champ.

Rock:      (Teary-eyed) But the Rock wants to be the peoples judge too!

Kevin:     Ok, Rock, please sit and down, and let us get the Judges story.

Judge:     I just want a job.

Kevin:     Would you give up this job?

Judge:     If the circumstances were right.

Kevin:     We'll take a twenty-minute recess and then return with a verdict.

DTBG:      (whispering to Kevin) Do we really need a twenty minute recess?

Kevin:     Dude, we are just going to play video games.

DTBG:      Awesome--

Edge:      (magically appears)--Ness.

DTBG:      Huh?

Edge:      The correct word is awesomeness.

DTBG:      Righttttttt. (Gives Edge a weird look) Where'd you come from anyway?

Edge:      Eh? (magically disappears)

Kevin:     Anything that is remotely related to Wrestling will have random people appearing.

DTBG:      Did he say "eh?"

Kevin:     Yea, he's Canadian. (The Anti-Americans aka Test, Christian, and Lance Storm enter the court)

Lance:     Excuse me, but you have no right to make fun of Canadians Kevin Kelly.

Christian: Yea, we are sooooooo much better then you guys!

Kevin:     Christian, go throw a temper tantrum. Test, you're cool. You should ditch these morons.

Test:      Fair enough, have you seen Edge? (he magically disappears the same way Edge did.  Christian is complaining)

Lance:     Shut UP! Your a disgrace to all Canadians!

Christian: I'm mellllllllltiiiiiiingggggggggggg. (he disintegrates)

Lance:     Now, going back to my rant. Don't make fun of the Canadians just because your American you think--

DTBG:      Dude, you're in an AMERICAN COURT. If you go this far out of your way to hate us, then you just have major issues.  Maybe you just don't like Canada that much.

Lance:     What are you implying?

Jericho:   They are implying that you shut the hell up.

Lance:     Is that a fact?

Jericho:   I'm Canadian too, so get out.  You're so annoying.

Lance:     Egomaniac.

Jericho:   Damn Straight.

Lance:     You have no Canadian pride.

Jericho:   You hate yourself that's why you say you hate America, it's really you just being an idiot and wanting attention because you're not bright enough to come up with a better gimmick.

Lance:     Eh?

DTBG:      Why do Canadians say "Eh"? That's how this how thing started anyway.

Lance:     Eh is better then saying Huh?

DTBG:      Huh is just a California thing.

Jericho:   Dude, you stole that from a shirt.

DTBG:      No, I didn't.

Jericho:   Lance did. Your a disgrace. (Lance starts to cry and runs out of the room.) I got rid of him pretty well.

DTBG:      Where did you come from anyway? I mean the other people magically appeared but we saw that happen, but when did you come in?

Jericho:   I fell asleep in the audience place last night. And I woke up to Lance Bitching. Anyway, I'm outta here. (Walks out of the room)

DTBG:      What the f--

Kevin:     Let's just leave to a recess before anything else happens. (They leave to the Judges Chambers.  Five minutes later, you hear bickering from the chambers.  You cant really understand much, as it is slightly muffled. A few "No I want to be-" and "You played them last game!" or "TABLES!" and "Sledgehammers rule man!" are heard too. The Rock walks over and sits next to the Judge they start to flirt)

Rock:      Do you like pie?

Judge:     You really want this job don't ya?

Rock:      (thinks) um...yes. Yes The Rock does.

Judge:     It's not as fun as you think.

Rock:      If the Rock wants the job, the Rock means the Rock wants the job.

Judge:     Well, maybe one day you'll start your own court, but at the moment, I need this job.

Rock:      The Rock thinks--

Trish:     All rise, Kevin Kelly and Davie the Bailiff guy (The Rock scurries back to his seat) are re-entering the court room. (About Ten minutes later, they actually enter the court room)

DTBG:      Sorry it took so long, we got caught up in decision making.

Rock:      You guys were playing video games.  We heard you.

DTBG:      Well, after extensive video game playing-

Trish:     What game?

DTBG:      Wrestlemania X8 for Game Cube. (It's tied in level of greatness with No Mercy for N64.)

Trish:     What characters were you?

DTBG:      (bows his head in shame) I was Stephanie McMahon.

Kevin:     I was you Trish.  (Trish and Kevin Kelly blush.)

Rock:      (trying to make it less apparent) Hermaphrodite!

Trish:     I think it's cute! (Kevin blushes, Rock gives the People's Eyebrow)

Judge:     The Verdict?

DTBG:      The Rock is the People's Champion.  But, the Judge has had this job for YEARS.

Kevin:     However, the Rock has an extremely short attention span.

Rock:      The Rock takes offense to that.

Kevin:     It's true Rock. (Kurt Angle poufs in, is about to open his mouth.) Angle, get the hell out! Everyone hates you. (Angle stomps off) Anyway, The Rock gets to be the People's Judge for twenty cases, or until he gets bored of it, whichever comes first.

Judge:     But, I need a Job!

Kevin:     You can take the Rock's spot and wrestle.  Me and Trish--

Rock:      (sitting down reading a big book and looking very intelligent) Trish and I. (Every gives him weird looks)

Kevin:     ....Yes...Trish and I will teach you wrestling and promos and that stuff, while Davie will teach the Rock Law.

Rock:      Whoa whoa! The Rock doesn't like this.  Kevin Kelly, you are the People's Bailiff.

Judge:     I don't want anything to do with wrestling, I'll probably lose my license as a judge or something.

Kevin:     The other jobs are in Porn.

Judge:     I'll take one of those jobs.

Rock:      You sick freak!

Kevin:     Davie will help ya there, somehow.

DTBG:      Dude, I wanna take your job.

Kevin:     Have fun.

DTBG:      Do they beat you up?

Kevin:     Only verbally.  Well, that's a lie...Not all of them.

Rock:      FINALLY THE ROCK HAS REGAINED HIS COURT ROOM!  My first act of business is to kick your candyasses out of my courtroom! Bailiff hermaphrodite-

Kevin:     God Dammit! You lost your case, you can't call me a hermaphrodite.

Rock:      Yes The Rock can.  The Rock's the judge.  DON'T CUSS IN MY COURTROOM!  Please show the beautiful Judge and the sexually confused bailiff and Trish out of the Rock's courtroom.

Kevin:     This way please. (whispers to Davie as he is showing them out) You're so lucky you don't have to deal with him.

DTBG:      I'm sorry. (They all leave, Kevin walks back towards the Rock)

Rock:      What's the first case Jabroni?

Kevin:     No one else is in the room, can you at least pretend to be nice?

Rock:      Kevin Kelly, The Rock makes fun of you only because the Rock likes you.

Kevin:     Shut up rock.  One day, I'm going to find a way to get you back for all the times you called me a hermaphrodite and all of the relationships you've killed.  I'll get you back.

Rock:      Wanna wrestle?

Kevin:     I don't swing that way.

Rock:      You wouldn't be able to wrestle with the Rock.

Kevin:     I really wouldn't want too.

Rock:      Then the Rock won't have to kill you.

Kevin:     I'm not gay Dwayne.  BACK OFF!

Rock:      I'M THE ROCK! Bring in the first case.

Kevin:     The litigants haven't arrived yet.

Rock:      what's the case over?

Kevin:     Copyright infringement.

Rock:      Over?

Kevin:     You Suck.

Rock:      The Rock will ignore that remark.  Who's it against?

Kevin:     I'm not even going to bother explaining.  Kurt Angle vs. X-Pac.

Rock:      That explains everything.  The Rock apologizes for snapping at you.

Kevin:     Apology accepted.  Angle's the plaintiff.

Rock:      He is sucha little whiny ass bitch!

TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!

Next Up:  The key question that boggles everybody's mind at least once when they are suffering from insomnia: Who really sucks more, Kurt Angle or X-Pac.  This question and more that you could care less about will be answered soon enough! Oh It's True, It's damn true.

Angle:    That's my OTHER catchphrase dammit!

Author:   YOU'RE NOT WANTED...yet...GET OUTTTTTTTT! COME BACK FOR THE NEXT SCENE! (Angle leaves)

Hurricane:  Anyone need a superhero?

Author:    Sure.  I wanna go buy some bobble heads. Fly me there?

Hurricane:  Alright. (They Fly out of the courtroom)

Rock:      This is just too damn weird.

Taker:     (Taunting) Rockkkkkyyyyyyy! (choke slams him, giggles, then runs away)

Really, it's over now, I promise. PLEASE REVIEW! And do as the shameless plugs say and check out my other shiznit...PLEASE!!


	2. REVENGE OF THE TITLE

THE PEOPLES COURT 

Main Characters: (will change chapter to chapter)

-Kevin Kelly (Bailiff)

-The Rock (Judge)

-Angle (?)

-X-Pac (The Lost Loser)

-Jeff Hardy (Official Prankster)

-Undertaker (Random Appearance Guy)

**Disclaimer:**  These things are pointless, just like this chapter. I don't own anyone, nor do I own the WWE (if I did, Taker would have won the Triple Threat Match, and the APA would be able to go freely between both shows).  I don't own the Peoples Court. The Peoples Court is actually **the WORST** court TV show. **But, Most importantly, read with caution author is NOT responsible for lemming like activity, i.e. Jumping off cliffs or bridges, or/and insanity either permanent or temporary.**   Now that I've finished with that bullshit, onto the real story.

Summary: Written hours after Vengeance PPV, and if you haven't noticed I'm not a happy camper with most of the results.  Nor am I that happy with the Rock at the moment.  This is really short; the next chapter will be better with it being Kurt Angle suing X-Pac.  I apologize for this chapter

Rating: PG-13, too short for any other rating. Slight language.

PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!! 

Kevin:     (walks into the court room, is holding and looking at a newspaper circling things) Everybody rise, the People's Judge is about to enter the courtroom.  (Hears no response, no unseen crowd, looks up) What the hell? Where's X-Pac and Angle? (The Rock enters)

Rock:       Kevin Kelly you should be happy those less-than qualified sports entertainers aren't in your presence yet.

Kevin:      I'm happy that I don't have to look at either of those dumbasses, but really, I'm pretty much out of work as that good for nothing hermaphrodite Marc Lloyd stole my job. 

Rock:       Don't you produce Confidential?

Kevin:      Yeah, but I like interview all the dumb wrestlers.  Plus, I would have gotten paid twice as much working for both shows.

Rock:        Announcers always want more money.

Kevin:       Look who's talking Mr. I'll-Ditch-My-Job-To-Make-More-Money.

Rock:        Yes, but I work for my money.  I'm in the ring, damaging my health for the people.

Kevin:       Dude, I take all the wrestlers shit all day long, if they fell the need to complain I have to be right there waiting for them, not only that but I have to listen to you guys.  You guys are a pain in my ass.

Rock:        How are you suggesting we fix this problem?

Kevin:       By you shutting the hell up.

Rock:         Excuse me?

Kevin:        Ah, shut up.  Where the hell is Angle and X-Pac? I need to find an extra job.  Maybe I'll be a currier. (starts looking through the newspaper relentlessly)

Author:      Yoink! ( © soxzZz, The Author steals the Paper) You can't get a new job.  Find a way to get rid of Marc Lloyd.  Nobody likes him.  (disappears)

Rock:         That was odd.

Kevin:        Apparently the fans like me.

R.U.C.:       (Random Unseen Crowd) Kevin Kelly Is God.

Rock:          What about the Rock?

R.U.C.:       The Rock is trying to be Raven.

Rock:          That's not nice.   (Random laughter, Rock looks around suspiciously) What the….

R.U.C.:        This Author sucks!

Author:        Hey! Who let you in my story? Get the Hell Out!

R.U.C.:        But, but, Kevin Kelly is God?

Author:        OUT!

R.U.C.:         Bread is God.

Author:         Fine you can stay (gives the R.U.C. some bread) Just stop making fun of me, I get enough crap from the reviewers who apparently want me in jail for some reason.  I don't need my Crowd muses trying to kill me too.

R.U.C.:         BREADDDDDDDDDDDDD!

Rock:            Is this madness over?

Author:         ….Yes…..

Rock:            Good.   Have you found Angle or X-Pac yet?

Kevin:           Nope.

Rock:             Where's my belt?

Kevin:            What belt?

Rock:             The one I won tonight.  The Undisputed Champion belt.

Kevin:            That's in your chambers.

Rock:             Well, go get it, I want to rub it in Angles face.

Kevin:            I still think Taker should have kept his title.  You're leaving in four or five weeks anyway.

Rock:             GET ME MY BELT YOU HERMAPHODITE! (Kevin Kelly walks away mumbling bad comments about the Rock, comes back with the belt in one hand and a tape recorder in the other) Why do you have a tape recorder?

Kevin:           (hands him the belt) There is your belt.  This is me pretending to give a damn. (Presses play on the tape recorder, it is Kevin Kelly saying various things to the Rock but mainly, the words "Yes" "I guess so" are played.  Then as the tape continues you can slightly hear "I'll get my revenge")

Rock:              That's not nice Kevin Kelly! (Kevin Kelly flips him off and walks out of the room)   Hey! You have to be in here for when Angle and X-Pac arrive.  (Silence)  Hello?  The Rock doesn't like this.  (X-Pac walks in)

X-Pac:             Sorry I'm late, I got lost on the way down the hall.

Rock:               This is the only door down this hall.

X-Pac:              I thought Big Show was playing a joke on me.

Rock:               You're an idiot.  Bailiff! One of the people on trial or whatever has arrived.

Kevin:              Kiss my assssss Rocky!

Rock:               Where's Angle?

X-Pac:              Last time I saw him he was crying over losing his milk.

Rock:               You mean (holds up the title) this?

X-Pac:              No, I mean milk.  Somebody keeps stealing his milk.  (Jeff Hardy comes running in)

Jeff:                  What the hell is this place?

Rock:                The People's Court.

Jeff:                   Hey Rock you hate Angle right?

Rock:                I can't be biased against the court people.

Jeff:                  What?

Kevin:               (walks out) He can't be biased against the litigants.

Jeff:                   Oh. Can you?

Kevin:               Hell yeah! Why?

Jeff:                   Good.  I'll be right back. (Leaves the room, everyone just stares in confusion, Jeff is wheeling in a lot of milk bottles) Help me hide these, the bitch has been on my tail for a week or two now.

Kevin:              That shit smells horrible. Have you been putting it in a refrigerator?

Jeff:                  I knew I forgot something.

Rock:               Get that shit out of the People's courtroom!

Kevin:              No, leave it I have an idea.  (walks over and puts it next to the Plaintiffs podium) Angle will walk in, see it, and drink it.  Hardy, help me move all of the expired ones to the top.  (Everyone looks at Kevin kind of worried) Oh come on! This guy always gave me shit! Not only that, but wouldn't you **LOVE **to see him wallow around sick?  (They all think, then nod in agreement.) X-Pac, go stand by the door and tell us when Angle's coming. (X-Pac walks to the door, Jeff and Kevin starting re-arranging the milk.)

Rock:               Remind me not to get on your bad side.

Kevin:             Oh you are BEYOND the point of return.

Rock:              Shit.

Kevin:             Don't worry I won't be that mean to you. (Laughs demonically)

Rock:               I think I'm scared of him.

Jeff:                 Hey, Kevin, I haven't done anything mean to you right?

Kevin:             Nope.

Jeff:                Good.

X-Pac:             Someone's coming. (Moves out of the way of the door, walks to his podium, Taker walks in)

Rock:              How you could you NOT tell the difference between Angle and Taker?  Angle's bald, Takers not. (Kevin and Jeff go back to re-arranging the milk)

Taker:             What the hell are Hardy and Kevin doing?

Jeff:                 (looks at Kevin) We should get revenge on Taker.

Kevin:             I'm not that stupid.  Angle wouldn't suspect me, and the Rock really deserves it.

Jeff:                Point taken.

Rock:              Why are you in the People's Court?

Taker:             I want my belt back.

Rock:              No. Bailiff, show this man out of my court please. (Kevin looks at Taker)

Kevin:             (Laughs) You're on your own Rocky.

Rock:              Damn. (Taker walks up steals the belt, starts to walk back, but then grabs some milk)

Kevin:           Undertaker (looks scared as Taker might actually drink it.) That is expired.

Taker:            Trying to poison Kurt?

Kevin:            Pretty much.

Taker:             More power to ya. (Throws the milk at the Rock)  If you two ever need any help, you can come to me…I might need you to pull pranks or something without me actually getting involved. (Leaves)

Kevin:            (Kevin looks at Jeff) We should take him up on that some day.

Jeff:                He reminds me of the mafia.

Kevin:            Yea, me too.  (Turns to Rock) Damn Rock, you smell like shit.

Rock:              He took my belt.

Kevin:            You should have never won it anyway.

X-Pac:             Shit! Kurt's coming! I'm not lying this time! (He runs up to his podium, Jeff and Kevin walk to the Bailiffs corner place, seconds later, Angle walks in)

Angle:            Sorry I'm late. Somebody stole my milk!

Rock:             We heard.

Angle:            (Screams) MILKKKKK!! (starts guzzling down the milk)

Rock:              Let's get started, shall we?

Angle:            Wait! Let me drink some milk!

Rock:              Fine! Kevin Kelly, get me a phone. I have to call somebody about Taker coming into the People's Court and stealing my belt!

Kevin:            No.

Rock:             Why not?

Kevin:            Too much work.

Rock:              It's your job.

Kevin:            Can I quit?

Rock:             Nope.

Kevin:            Get it yourself.

Angle:            Taker stole your belt? When did this happen? Why wasn't I given a chance in the match?

Kevin:             It wasn't a match.  Taker just walked in and stole it.

Angle:             (disgusted) You let him get away with that Rock?

Kevin:             He didn't move an inch.

Angle:             I knew you wouldn't be able to defend that title!

Kevin:             Dude, he didn't lose it in a match.  He'll get it back soon enough.

Angle:             He doesn't deserve it---ugh, I don't feel well.  (drops to the floor, rolls around in my pain) I want my mommmmmmmmmieee!!

Rock:              I guess we will have to post pone this damned thing.

X-Pac:             Sweeeeeeeeet. (he leaves)

Rock:              Hardy, Kevin, my chambers please.

Jeff:                 Do you mean that in a gay way?

Rock:              Nope.

Jeff:                 You sure?

Rock:              (thinks) Um……..yes. (They all go to chambers) Shut the door. (Kevin Kelly shuts the door, the Rock hands them each a $50) That's for the Angle thing.  Amuse me like that during proceedings and you might make more money.

Jeff:                 (talking to Kevin) Usually I get beat up for pranks.  I like getting paid for them. (They both walk out; Taker and Angle walk into the Judges Chambers)

Taker:              (hits Rock over the head with the belt) Here's your belt.  (Has nasty milk in his hand and throws it at Rock again)

Angle:               Hey! That milk is still good!

Taker:               No it's not, it expired last month.

Angle:              Really?

Taker:              Yes.  (Picks up a chair throws it at Rock, choke slams Angle) Idiot. (Leaves, Rock and Angle twitch on the ground)

The End 

Next:  Will Kurt Angle still be sick from the Expired Milk? Will he continue to drink it even though he knows it expired?

_Angle:         It's still good milk! Really!_

Does that thought disturb anyone else? Will Jeff and Kevin team up to reek havoc at the Rock's expense?

Kevin:         Oh hell ya! Nothing like taking money from a guy who doesn't stop calling you a hermaphrodite!

Will the Rock stop calling Kevin Kelly a hermaphrodite?  Will the mystery of who sucks more X-Pac or Angle FINALLY be solved?

Author:      Yes, yes it will. And more people will appear randomly.  Sorry this was much longer than I expected it to be.  It also didn't come out how I planned.  Where's my superhero chauffer? I never found my bobble head store.

Al Snow:     Need a ride to a comic book store?

Author:      You ARE so not a superhero.

Al Snow:    There is only one superhero in the WWE, and he chaffered you last "episode"

Author:      So?

Al Snow:    I'm bored.  I'll take you to find a bobble head store.

Author:    Fine, under one condition.

Al Snow:   What?

Author:    REPLACE MAVEN WITH JOSHHHHHHHHH! (Al Snow screeches and Runs away) Josh was hot.. I hate maven. (disappears to bobble head land)

****

**IT IS REALLY THE END NOW.**

**Real Chapter to Be up Soon**

This Chapter was my revenge against the Rock for winning the title at Vengeance, stupid bitch.  I apologize. again.


	3. ANGLE VS XPAC WHO REALLY SUCKS MORE?

THE PEOPLES COURT 

Main Characters: (will change chapter to chapter)

- Kevin Kelly (Bailiff)

- The Rock (Judge)

- Angle (Plaintiff)

- X-Pac (Defendant)

- Jeff Hardy (The Bailiff's Friend/Official Prankster)

- Kane (Munchies King)

- Road Dogg  (Ultra-Random Appearance Guy)

And not to mention people will randomly appear throughout the whole "chapter"/"scene" thing….the people above are just special enough to get their names mentioned above.

**Disclaimer:**  These things are pointless. I don't own anyone, nor do I own the WWE (if I did, things would be different.  I don't own the Peoples Court. The Peoples Court is actually **the WORST** court TV show. **But, Most importantly, read with caution author is NOT responsible for lemming like activity, i.e. Jumping off cliffs or bridges, or/and insanity either permanent or temporary.**   Now that I've finished with that bullshit, onto the real story.

**EDITED DISCLAIMER:**  By edited, I simply mean, I put this in after I finished writing this whole damn thing.  Well, this took me four days, when I had originally planned to finish it in one.  It took me so long for two reasons.  One being that I have been trying to finish Mick Foleys first book, it is damn good, and I finished it!! The second being a little more substantial- my eyes have been really screwed up lately and have stung like hell when staring at a computer and for some reason I gave up the whole idea of writing it down on paper first.  I blame my eyes being f'ed up on X-Pac because, well, that's explained later…on with the story I guess. I apologize for the extended amount of bullshit.

(Kevin Kelly and Jeff Hardy are standing in the courtroom)

Jeff:         Alright, Angle is sitting over here, and X-Pac is sitting over there (points).  So, who do we want to prank today?

Kevin:     Definitely Angle.  X-Pac probably wouldn't understand that he's getting pranked, so it would be less fun.

Jeff:         You're right.  We can't do the milk thing again.

Kevin:      Man, I say we get the Rock.

Jeff:          Not yet.  Let's get paid for this shit as long as we can.

Kevin:      Good point. (they stare off into space for a few seconds thinking.) I've got it!

Jeff:          Really? Because all I can think about is how nasty milk is, I mean have you ever thought of where it comes from before?  It's just pure grossness. (shudders) ewwwww…(nasty-pained look takes over his facial expression)

Kevin:      Just don't think about it.  You don't think Kurt will bring milk into the courtroom do you?

Jeff:          He might.  Why?

Kevin:      Kurt likes cookies right? (Rock comes in)

Rock:       And Viagra. (leaves)

Kevin:      (not paying any attention to the Rock) If we keep him locked in this room without milk and three-dozen (spells it out, whispering) c-o-o-k-i-e-s

Jeff:         (confused) Man, I'm still a little hung-over.  (Tries to figure it out) C-o-what was the rest of it?

Kevin:      (whispers) Man, be quiet.  I don't want to Rock to hear.  C-o-o-k-i-e-s.

Jeff:          (Thinks heavily, scratches his head like a monkey, then it clicks.) OH! Cookies! That's right Kurt loves--

Rock:       (runs into the room) Cookies?!?! Where? That isn't as good as pie, but…GIMME!

Kevin:     We don't have any, and if we did they wouldn't be for you!

Rock:       Who are they for?

Jeff:          Kurt. But, I don't see how that would torture him.

Rock:       Whoa whoa whoa whoa! Hold on just a damned minute here!

Kevin:      No.  Anyway, Jeff, we got to plan this out.  You see, Angle locked in here with cookies, he'll notice them.  He doesn't always think straight so he'll probably eat all the cookies really fast.  Then, there's no milk to wash it down.  He'll try to leave, but the doors will be locked and he will be in his own personal hell.

Jeff:        (Dogma Style) OUTSTANDING WORK!

Author:   You suck Hardy!

Jeff:         But, you like me.

Author:    You just ruined that Dogma scene for me.

Jeff:         You wrote it!

Author:    Point taken into consideration, but ignored.  Now, readers, return your attention to Kevin Kelly, because what Jeff Hardy said never happened.  Your eyes and brain thought it was there, but it wasn't.

Mysterious Reader:  Dude, I can copy and paste it.  It says "Jeff:  (Dogma Style) OUTSTANDING WORK!"

Author:      No, it really doesn't.

M.R.:         No, it really does.

Author:      Here's a dollar, now shut up.

M.R.:         Dude, it's fake.

Author:      Don't deny, simplify. (The mysterious reader is forced out of the scene…forever!) Anyway, re-focus your attention as we say that this whole "scene" and I use that word loosely, never happened. (The mysterious reader tries to re-surface, but access into the court room was denied by the mysterious power that controls all…me)

Kevin:      He'll try to leave, but the doors will be locked and he will be in his own personal hell.

Jeff:         If it were anyone besides Angle that would be the LAMEST thing I have ever heard.  But, I think it just might work with Angle.

Kevin:     Might? Oh no, it will definitely work.

Rock:       So, the Rock doesn't get cookies but Angle does?

Kevin:     You have to be joking.

Rock:       (Whiny, pouting) THE ROCK WANTS COOKIES!!

Kevin:      (annoyed) Rock, do you want to see Angle suffer or do you want cookies?

Rock:       The Rock wants both!

Kevin:      I feel like the father of a two year old.

Rock:       Did you just insult the Rock?

Kevin:      Never. Rock, you can't have both.

Jeff:          Actually, there is a way to make this work for the better.  I mean Angle is a pretty suspicious guy, especially what happened last time.  He probably won't fall into that trap so easily.

Kevin:      You've got a point Hardy, but how are we going to make this work? That means we have to get X-Pac cookies too.

Jeff:          Not necessarily. Man, we can get a double prank going on here.

Kevin:      How?

Jeff:          We get X-Pac his favorite snack whatever that might be, and Kurt cookies.  No drinks for anyone, they will both go insane.

Rock:       (still whining) What about the Rock? I want something tooooo!

Jeff:          We'll get the Rock some pie.

Rock:        (Cheers up) The Rock wants some Cactus Cooler too.

Kevin:       You're spoiled.

Rock:        (gets whiny again) Does that mean the Rock doesn't get any fruity goodness?

Kevin:       Dammit! Quit your whining! I'll get you some f'in soda.

Rock:        (gets happy) Promise?

Kevin:       Yes, no shut up and let Jeff and I plan things.

Rock:         Ok. (Walks into chambers singing the pie song)

Kevin:        Alright, (looks at watch) we have an hour to get everything.

Jeff:           What's X-Pac's favorite food thing? (Authors note: X-Pac is the boringest man alive.  I just did two hours of re-search trying to figure his favorite food out, and I still don't know.  I read interviews, articles, and anything I could find which consisted of a few "chats" where he talked. All they confirmed is that he is THE boringest man alive and even his biggest fans make fun of him a lot. My eyes are stinging like hell and I so totally blame X-Pac and his BORING ASS LIFE! Now, on with my story)

Kevin:        That's a good question. Ask Hall-Oops, he got fired…Nash-Oops, he's out injured.  How about HHH or HBK? They might know.

Jeff:           Man, I don't want to talk or find either of those guys.

Kevin:       Same.  We'll just get him some random ass food.  He likes drugs doesn't he?

Jeff:           That's the rumor.  He deals too.

Kevin:       I always he knew you bought.

Jeff:           No I don't.

Kevin:       Liar.  Anyway, we'll just buy him a whole bunch of munchies.  I suspect you'll be best at getting that Heroine Hardy.

Jeff:           Heroine?  Man, if I liked needles, I wouldn't have the sketches drawn on before every match, they would be permanently tattooed on.

Kevin:       No they wouldn't.  You said that about your hair color too and that changes every week.  I think you just like changing things up every chance you get.

Jeff:           You're ability to logic everything scares me Kevin Kelly.

Kevin:       I'll take that as a complement.  Come on we have to go get a pie, a cactus cooler, three-dozen cookies, and a whole shit load of munchies.

Jeff:           How much time we got?

Kevin:       (looks at watch) Damn! We have twenty minutes.  Where's the closes AM-PM?

Jeff:           I have a better idea.  It will take some kiss-assing and stealing and minor vandalism.

Kevin:       Vandalism? (they start walking out of the court room, going through various hallways and doors passing by various people while having this conversation)

Jeff:           Actually, that's just for fun.  The munchies, we can get those from Kane.  That guy, man, he loves to eat.

Kevin:       He's so damn big; it doesn't surprise me that he'd have a million munchies.  But, I'm not stealing from Kane.

Jeff:           I let this guy have my candy all the time.  He owes me.

Kevin:       You know, we aren't the brightest crayons in the box.

Jeff:           Why?

Kevin:       Kane could seriously help us.

Jeff:           How?

Kevin:       The man is huge.  X-Pac and Angle are scared shitless of him.  He's stand at the door, there's no way they could get past.

Jeff:           Damn! You're smart!

Kevin:       Devious, not smart.  You don't have to be smart to be incredibly devious and evil mannered.

Jeff:           Man, I really really don't ever want to be on your bad side.

Kevin:       Don't worry.  It's hard to get on my bad side.

Jeff:           Yet so many people are on it.

Kevin:       Naw, just the Rock.  Everybody else is just fun to fuck with. It's just a tad bit vengeful.  Just a little.

Jeff:          (stops walking, knocks, Kane opens the door, mask and all) Hey Kane!

Kane:        What's up Jeff?

Jeff:           These matters shouldn't be discussed in the hall.  May we come in?

Kane:        Don't be so formal Hyper Hardy.  Get in here.  (They walk in, Kane shuts the door) Sup Kevin?

Kevin:      We need your help.

Kane:        Who and what he do?

Kevin:      Well, if you're willing----

Jeff:           No! We just need to borrow a shit load of munchies and two or less hours of your time.

Kevin:       With X-Pac and Angle, that case could last days.

Kane:         Case?

Kevin:       The Rock opened up a "People's Court" and the first case is Angle vs. X-Pac--  
Jeff:           Over who sucks more.

Kane:        Are you kidding me?

Jeff:           Nope. (Kane is laughing hysterically, but manages to get a few words in)

Kane:        I have to see this!

Jeff:          We need a lot of munchies and you to block their exit.

Kane:        What torture are you planning Hyper Hardy?

Jeff:           First it was Heroine Hardy—

Kane:        Who called you that? (Jeff Points to Kevin) Excellent Idea!

Kevin:       Thanks.

Kane:        Anyway, Heroine Hardy, what are you planning?

Jeff:           Dude, it was Kevin.

Kane:         No, its really not.  Your cover-ups are getting more and more pathetic.  Stick with using Matt that is the most believable.

Jeff:           I'm serious!  
Kevin:       It is me.  I'm planning the torture, but you see, like I told Jeff here no one will ever suspect me.  However, they can't prove it to be Jeff.  If Jeff wises up and notices that then he won't pin it on me, and it is the perfect escape.

Kane:        Damn.  You got this all planned out don't you?

Kevin:       Yes, yes I do.  Anyway, Angle and X-Pac both have many flaws.  Angle's is easiest to attack- Milk.  However, we did that last week.  So, now we plan to lock him and X-Pac in the room with you guarding the door.  X-Pac will have all these munchies because no one likes him so no one really knows what kind of food he likes.  The more sour stuff the better.

Kane:        I have more than enough sour stuff.

Kevin:       Good.  We aren't going to give him anything too drink.  Angle is going to be the funnier of the two.  Three-dozen cookies, no milk.

Kane:        Shit! (surprised) That is pure greatness!  You're one devious son of a bitch Kevin Kelly.

Kevin:      And who would expect me?

Kane:       No one.  Good work! (Starts searching through his refrigerator) Catch Jeff! (throws all this sour food at Jeff.  Jeff dodges some of it, catches some it and looks at the ones he catches disgustingly)

Jeff:        Expired Sour Punch Kids?  I didn't even know they could expire.

Kane:      They taste better when they expire.

Jeff:         I think this is enough.

Kevin:     Ok.  Were are we going to get the Pie, Cactus Cooler, and cookies from?

Jeff:         Vending machine down the hall for Cactus Cooler.

Kane:        I'll get it.  I'll just break the machine open.

Jeff:          Vandalism.

Kane:        Point?

Jeff:           I told Kevin that Stealing, Vandalism, and kiss-assing.

Kane:        If what you did to me was considered kiss-assing, you need a dictionary.

Jeff:           I thought it would be harder to convince you.

Kane:        You we're wrong.  Who ya gonna steal from?

Jeff:           Edge.  He always has cookies.

Kevin:       And Kane's taking care of the vandalism.  That means we are one thing short- the pie.

Jeff:          Simple.  Any of the representatives or whatever always has pie and assorted goodies.

Kevin:      I break, you enter.

Jeff:          Deal.  Kane, we'll meet you at the Rock's court.  Just tell Rock you're helping Kevin.

Kane:        Alright.  (Kane starts to walk out of his dressing room)

Kevin:      Wait, (Kane stops) torture the Rock with the Cactus Cooler.  Tell him that you aren't allowed to give it to him until I say it is ok.

Kane:         Why?

Kevin:        If he wants me to run around and get him shit like he is two, then I will, but I'm sure as hell going to treat him likes he two.  (Kane shrugs, then walks out)  Let's get the cookies first.

Jeff:            Sure.  But I wanna vandalize shit tooooo!

Kevin:       Vandalize Edge's room.

Jeff:            Sweet!  (They walk out into the hallway, walk down a little, then walk into Edge's room) Edge? (Looks around) He's not here.  Where's his cookies?

Kevin:        (out of no-where, is somehow in front of Jeff) Got 'em.  Let's go.

Jeff:            How'd you get in front of me?

Kevin:        Let's go.  We have to go steal a pie.

Jeff:            (looks crushed) Vandalizing?

Kevin:        After we get the pie.  We have ten minutes.

Jeff:            Shit. We gotta hurry.  (They run out of Edge's room like two bats out of hell, and run up three flights of stairs and see a door marked "private")

Kevin:        This is the room.  I break; you enter that was the deal.  (He picks the lock open, looks around quickly, throws the door wide open, turns to Jeff) Go.

Jeff:            (looks astonished) Damn..

Kevin:        GO! (Jeff runs in, Kevin is looking around the hall suspiciously, keeping watch.  A minute or two later Jeff comes out with a pie and various snacks.)

Kevin:        What's with the snacks?

Jeff:            I'll explain later, we should really run.  (Kevin looks in the room)

Kevin:        Holy shit Jeff! (they both bolt, they run down the stairs, go through all the halls and doors they came through and eventually end up back at the "court room" both are gasping for air)

Jeff:            Sorry…about….that..

Kevin:        (stands up straight) You just had to get a little Vandalism in didn't you?

Jeff:            (still gasping for air) Yes. (Kane walks in and makes the mistake of handing Jeff the soda.  Jeff drinks it all in one sip)

Kevin:        Moron!

Kane:         Dammit! I'll go get another one.

Jeff:            You know vandalizing shit is a simple pleasure that you love.

Kane:         True.

Kevin:        Trial starts in ten minutes.  Kane, you go get the soda, me and Jeff will set the snacks up accordingly.  (Jeff puts the pie and other various goodies near the Judge's place while Kevin puts the sour treats all around X-Pac's podium) Alright, last, and probably most entertaining Mr. Angle's cookies.  (Looks around) Where are they?  Oh come on! Jeff, tell me you didn't eat them!

Jeff:            I didn't.  They were right next to X-Pac's sour stuff. (They both look frantically for the cookies.  Kane enters with the Rock's soda.  Looks weirdly at Jeff and Kevin)

Kane:        Did I miss something?

Kevin:      We can't find Angle's cookies.

Kane:        They're on Angle's podium thing.

Kevin:       (looks over) How'd we miss that?

Jeff:           I didn't look.

Kevin:       Huh.  (Thinks for a second) Kane, you should hide in Judges chambers until Angle and X-Pac are already in the room.  (Yells) Rocky! We got your pie! (is holding the pie, the rock comes running out, jumping up and down like a little kid)

Rock:        Where's my pie?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Kevin:       It's on your desk.  Just don't start eating it until the trial has at least started.

Rock:        Why's Kane here?

Kevin:       To torture X-Pac and Angle.  Go hide in chambers.  (Kane walks into Rock's chambers)  X-Pac and Angle should be here in five minutes or so. (X-Pac walks in)

X-Pac:       (in a snobby tone, random noises are coming from the Judges chambers) Am I fashionably late?

Kevin:       Nope.  You're early.

X-Pac:       I thought trial started at 10:30.

Kevin:       It starts at 11.  It's 10:57 or so.

X-Pac:       Damn, that can't be could be bad for my image.

Jeff:           What image? Even your friends don't like you that much.

X-Pac:       Rock, where am I supposed to stand?

Rock:         (is suspicious about what Kane is doing, without even looking at X-Pac) IT DOESN'T MATTER WHERE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO STAND!

Kevin:      Yes it does.  Rocky, you have your pie, you have your soda, so act like a good kid and be quite for a few minutes.

Rock:        But you said I couldn't eat my pie until the trial started.

Kevin:       You can't.  Angle should be here any minute.  (Turns to Jeff) Jeff, show X-Pac his seat.

Jeff:           Sure.  (Jeff walks X-Pac over to his podium, then walks up to stand next to Kevin)

X-Pac:      (looking at all the sour munchies) MUNCHIES! (You hear Kane grumble) What was that?

Kevin:       I bought the Rock a bear. (You hear Kane laugh loudly and then a huge clunk)

X-Pac:       I didn't know bears could laugh.

Kevin:       They can.  I'll go make sure it didn't hurt itself. (Starts walking to chambers)

Jeff:           Naw, I got it this time Kevin.  (Kevin looks relieved.  Jeff walks into chambers)

Rock:        (confused) I have a bear?

Kevin:       (is annoyed by Rock's stupidity) Yes, you named it the Big Red Machine. (X-Pac has started eating)

Rock:        Oh yeah! Jeff, make sure it doesn't break anything! (Silence) I think it eat Jeff. (You hear Jeff laughing hysterically)

Jeff:         (walking out of the room, laughing, catches his breath, looks at X-Pac) DUDE! X-Pac that's your trial snacks.  You can't eat them yet!

X-Pac:      Oh.  (Angle walks in)

Kurt:         I need to get this over with quick.  I have to get to a press conference.

Rock:        Sit down you ass packing jabroni!

Kurt:         God Rock, you don't have to be so mean about it!

Rock:        Can my "bear" (he winks very obviously at Kevin) come out and play?

Kevin:    Sure.  Jeff, can you get him?

Jeff:        Hell no!  He's pissed as hell at me.

Kevin:    What did you do?

Jeff:        (thinks) I'm not really sure.  But, I'm not going in there.

Kevin:     Whiny ass bitch.  (Goes into chambers, walks out with Kane)

Rock:       Hi Kane!  (Kane is scratching his head)

Kane:       I hit my head on your damn door Rock.

Rock:       Sorry.  (Angle and X-Pac are very frightened)

Kane:      Heroine Hardy, where am I supposed to be?

Jeff:         Don't kill me…

Kane:       I won't…..yet….

Jeff:         By that door….don't kill meeeee!

Kevin:     What the hell happened?

Kane:       Heroine-on a stick over there hit me in the fucking head with Rocks door. (Kevin shakes his head at Jeff) Haven't you ever heard of knocking?

Jeff:         Yes. (Sighs) No, actually, I haven't.  What's knocking again?

Rock:       Man, let's just get this trial over with.

Author:   Yeah, this damn chapter was supposed to be short as hell.  This is going on nine horrible pages.

Rock:       You'll probably just put it up for a day, then take it down and fix it.

Author:    (magically jumps in the courtroom from the invisible ceiling) Too much work.  Plus, my muses are teaming up and making me eat weird foods like mixing Cheetos with Cookies and Orange Juice.  Not a very good mix.

Veronica:   (appears out of no where) Not as bad as Chinese food and coffee.  Or was it Chinese food and gum? Or coffee and gum?  I don't remember.

Author:      Wrong story.  You're only allowed in my Boot Camp story.

Veronica:   I'm offended that you used me as a shameless plug.  (Disappears)

Author:       Let's hurry this shit up. (Disappears)

Rock:         Go on.  Angle let's start with your side.

Angle:       Well, Rock, I'm an Olympic champion-

Rock:         Save it.  X-Pac, your side of the story.

X-Pac:       I don't suck! Kurt does! He can have the damn catchphrase.

Rock:        Did you just waste the Rock's time?

X-Pac:       No, Kurt did.  Somebody said "X-Pac Sucks" and he assumed I was stealing his catchphrase!

Rock:        I thought Kurt's catchphrase is "Oh It's True, It's true".

Kurt:         It is, but recently I've been deemed the "You Suck" catchphrase as well.

Rock:       You can't have two.  You forfeit the rights to it.  X-Pac gets it.

Kurt:        You have more then five catchphrases.

Rock:       But, I'm not on trial so it really doesn't matter.

Kurt:        Fine!  But, (looks at his podium) Oh Cookies! (Kane locks the back door as Kurt starts eating the cookies three or four at a time.  Jeff locks the other exit, and the rock starts eating the pie.  X-Pac is confused.  Kevin Kelly, Jeff, and Kane are all moving towards the back of the room to play poker)

X-Pac:      Wait! Who won?

Rock:        Nobody, you both suck.  You have to share the damn catchphrase!

X-Pac:       But, I don't want it!

Rock:       Ah, stop your bitching and eat your damn treats.

X-Pac:      (looks at his treats) YUMMY! (Starts eating.  Kane, Kevin, and Jeff are all laughing in the background.  No one besides the three of them and quite possibly the Rock knows they are stuck in the courtroom)

Rock:       The Rock does love pie.  Pie is a good treat after a hard days work.

Jeff:          (whispering to Kane and Kevin) He didn't do anything! We we're the ones busting our ass on a practical joke that has so far backfired.

Kevin:      (also whispering) I say we take them all out.

Jeff:          (whispering continues) I agree.  I'll get X-Pac.

Kevin:       I'm too small for either Kurt or The Rock.  Not to mention, I don't wrestle. (Kane has already taken care of X-Pac giving him a Kane Power bomb.  He is left twitching.  He moves onto Angle, who is already crying, and gives him a powerful Choke slam from Hell.  Last, he goes to get the Rock.  He looks, the Rock has fallen asleep.  He turns back to Jeff and Kevin who are still fighting over who gets to beat up X-Pac)

Kane:      I have the **BEST **idea.

Kevin:     (looks up, sees X-Pac, Kurt, and the Rock unconscious) HEY! He took out X-Pac! No Fair!

Kane:      I say we set them all up in weird positions together, take polarids then get the hell out of here with the doors locked.  I don't think they are smart enough to figure out how to get out of this damn place.

Kevin:     Awesome.  (they arrange the other three in very lewd positions, take many polarids.  Then, they leave and lock the door on the way out.)

Kane:      We should do this more often.

Kevin:     Yea, we should.

Jeff:         (he is beaming, a huge smile across his face.) I have an idea.  

Kevin:      Really? Fill us in, don't leave us hanging!

Jeff:         It will top what we have lamely done so far.  It might just take a few days to set up. When's the next trial case thing?

Kevin:     When I feel like telling the Rock.

Jeff:         Who's it with?

Kevin:      There is a list of about ten cases I can choose from.

Jeff:          You do all the selecting?

Kevin:      The Rock is way to incompetent to do any of this.

Jeff:          This is will all work out perfectly.  (They huddle and secretly tell each other the "plan" that Jeff thought of.   Of course, Kane and Kevin help by giving more ideas)

Author:     Hey! You're not allowed to plot against me!

Jeff:          We aren't.

Author:     Then clue me in on your plan!

Jeff:           Later! Just put an ending note on this chapter.

Author:      Alright.  (Snickers evilly)

Jeff:           I don't like the sound of that.  (Y2J comes in and puts Jeff Hardy in the walls of Jericho. They stay in that move for the continuation of this story) DAMMIT!

Author:     Anybody else? (Silence) Good. Re-cap: Both X-Pac and Kurt Angle suck.  However, X-Pac lives the boringest life in the world and is hated with a newfound passion.

The End 

**Next:  Why is boringness a word but boringest is not? **

_Author:   It doesn't make sense to me!!! I dislike you spell/grammar check machine._

Will Kurt Angle, The Rock, And X-Pac ever wake up?  How much money will Kevin Kelly, Kane, and Jeff charge the Rock for these sets of pranks?

_Kane:  We will charge $65 for the pranks, and $300 for the pictures._

_Kevin:  Making copies first though._

_Kane:   Damn Straight._

Does the Walls of Jericho actually do anything?  Will Jeff Hardy ever get out of the Walls of Jericho? 

_Jericho:   Of course not.  I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD!_

_Jeff:      Help…_

Will the next chapter be more entertaining? 

Author:  Hopefully, but I wouldn't count on it.   Maybe I'll have better characters for the next chapter.

Who is in the next chapter? 

_Author:  Who's my chauffeur this chapter?_

_Road Dogg:  That would be me the R-o-a-d D-o-double g._

_Author:   Do you even wrestle anymore?_

_Road Dogg:  Perhaps…_

_Author:   Yea, that question has been bothering me for two days now. _

Is Road Dogg still wrestling?  Who is wrestling for?  Where is he going to take the Author?

Road Dogg:  Good question.  Let's go to the Dogg Pound.  Ya ready to shake this 'biatch?

Author:   I don't wanna go to the Dogg pound.  Plus, you hate everyone in the WWE.

Road Dogg:  So?

Author:  You scare me. You remind me of Raven.  Except funnier to watch, but more annoying in interviews.  You kiss X-Pac's ass.

Road Dogg:  I hate Billy Gunn. (Chuck and Billy come appear)

Billy:  Didn't you say that after you, I wouldn't be able to get a tag-team belt ever again?

Road Dogg:  Yeah, I did.  
Billy:  I got them at least twice more without you.

Road Dogg:  You cheated.  (They continue to fight.)

**What will last longer- these questions, Jeff Hardy's entrapment in the Walls of Jericho or Billy Gunn and Road Dogg's fight?**

Author:  Either of the latter.  This "episode" is done.  Please read and review, so it is so long….and horrible…In the words of Mick Foley: Have A Nice Day! :)


	4. LITA VS MATT: THE FAILED PRANK

**THE PEOPLE'S COURT**

The Main Characters: (change chapter to chapter)

-The Rock (Judge)

-Kevin Kelly (Bailiff/Prankster/Rock's worst nightmare at times)

-Jeff Hardy (Bailiff's Friends/Official Prankster/Possible Witness)

-Kane (Prankster/King of the Munchies)

-Matt Hardy (Defendant)

-Lita (Plaintiff)

-Chris Jericho (Inflictor of Walls Of Jericho)

-Veronica (Dictator)

-Bob Da Stop Sign (replacement Author)

And not to mention people will randomly appear throughout the whole "chapter"/"scene" thing….the people above are just special enough to get their names mentioned above.

**Disclaimer:**  These things are pointless. I don't own anyone, nor do I own the WWE (I don't own the Peoples Court. **But, Most importantly, read with caution author is NOT responsible for lemming like activity, i.e. Jumping off cliffs or bridges, or/and insanity either permanent or temporary.**   Now that I've finished with that bullshit, onto the real story. This Chapter will most likely be bad, so I apologize ahead of time.

READ AND REVIEW—BUT DON'T HOLD A BAD CHAPTER AGAINST ME!!

(Kane and Kevin Kelly are waiting for Jeff Hardy in the courtroom)

Kevin:   Dammit! Where is he?

Kane:    Last I checked, he was still trying to get out of the Walls of Jericho.

Kevin:   I don't think his plan is going to work.  I mean, Matt and Lita aren't as stupid as he hopes they are.

Kane:    It probably won't work.  But, it's worth trying.  Isn't it?

Kevin:   I don't think so.  I think we need a new plan. (Rock walks in)

Kane:    Like what though?

Kevin:   Wanna turn on Jeff?

Kane:     Perhaps.  How so?

Kevin:   Well, the original idea was to have Lita being suing Matt over stolen thongs right?

Kane:    Yeah.  I still think that's pretty stupid idea.

Kevin:   Same here.  But, what if, just for fun, we had Matt use Jeff as a witness like planned.  Jeff would admit that Matt has a fetish with Lita's thongs.

Kane:     So far that is Jeff's exact plan.

Kevin:    I know, but Jeff is stuck in the Walls of Jericho.  He's not getting out anytime soon.  If we can convince Jericho to some how turn this all on Jeff being a huge pervert and stealing both Lita and Matt's underwear, it might just be a little funnier.

Kane:     That's still not a worthy prank. 

Rock:      Ahem! (they ignore him as they were earlier)

Kevin:    Maybe we should just give up the pranks.  Until time comes for us to get back at Rocky.

Kane:      Well, what about Matt and Lita's case?

Kevin:     Due to the involvement of a third party- Jericho- The Rock will dismiss the case.

Rock:       No The Rock wants to try this case.

Kevin:     It's fixed Rock.  Both Lita and Matt didn't even know they are suing each other.

Rock:      The Rock can ignore that.

Kevin:     You're telling me that you are going to make us actually follow through with this horribly planned practical joke that is destined to fail?

Rock:       (Thinks) The Rock says (long pause) yes.

Kevin:      (Turns to Kane) This is going to be the worst prank mishap ever.

Kane:        Man, don't worry about it.  The Rock will get what's coming to him.

Kevin:      I know he will. (demonic laughter shared between Kevin and Kane)

Rock:       (screeches) You can't plot against the People's Judge.

Kevin:      The only person we aren't allowed to plot against is the Author.

Author:    (not seen, just heard) You can plot against me, you just won't like the results.  However, there is one person who is protected and you can't plot against them.

Kevin:     That would be? (long pause, no response)  Hello?  (still no response) I'm really confused.

Kane:       Me too.  The Author is telling me to be careful because somebody might steal Jericho, Jeff, and possibly me.

Kevin:     Uh-oh.  That's not good.

Kane:       I don't like that. (Jericho walks in with Jeff still in the walls of Jericho)  How does that work?  (Veronica randomly appears) Who is that?

Veronica:  I am Veronica.

Kane:        Do we know you?

Kevin:       Don't you mean Victoria?

Veronica:  Nope, I mean Veronica.  My crack blanky and I have come for Jericho and Jeff.

Kane:       Are you gonna steal me too?

Veronica:  Nope.  The author won't let me.  However, I have come to inform you that the Flea people will be attacking sometime soon.

Kane:        (turns to Kevin Kelly) Flea people?

Veronica:   I am currently the dictator of the flea people and they are ready and willing to attack.  I know who they are attacking, but I cannot divulge that information at this present moment.

Author:     (appears out of no-where, first time you actually see the author. Smacks Veronica over the head) Stupid! You're not supposed to tell anyone about the flea people!

Veronica:  I'm not?

Author:      No, and as the Prime Minister of the WORLDDDDDDD! I say, go to your room.

Veronica:  Wait a minute! The flea people revolted?!?!? Why didn't you tell me this?

Author:      I did, you just didn't believe me.

Veronica:   (starts to cry) Now I have nothing to do. (Jericho and Jeff are trying to get away, but Jericho refuses to let Jeff out of the Walls of Jericho)

Author:      I told you, you're the dictator of the world and the religious leader.  I'm the Prime Minister and the Army Leader.  Remember? Your little sister is the Jester?

Veronica:   (cheers up) Oh yea, forget the stupid flea people. 

Author:     That's the spirit.  Now, go find out what the hell a prime minister actually does, because I'm not really sure.

Veronica:    You control that place.

Author:       The World?

Veronica:    Yep.

Jericho:       (fuming mad) Wait! I'm the KING OF THE WORLD! 

Author:       No your not, your just a figurehead.

Jericho:       Really?

Author:       Yup.

Jericho:       That sucks.

Author:       By the way, you have no chance of escaping.

Jericho:       Escaping what?

Veronica:    MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! (runs over to Jeff Hardy and Jericho, somehow takes them captive) I like being the dictator of the world.  (the three disappear)

Author:       My job is done.  I have some wars to start between Earth and Mars.  Bye! (Disappears)

Kane:       Who's going to write the story?

Kevin:      Um..Author? (No response) AUTHOR? YOU NEED TO FINISH THIS CHAPTER!! (No response) Wait, if she doesn't come back, then this chapter doesn't have to finish and we can ignore it all.

Rock:      HELLO!! THIS IS MY COURT!! LISTEN TO ME!! I'M THE ROCK DAMMIT!

Kevin:    (taunting) Rocky thinks he's Vince!

Rock:     (screams) AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Runs and hides behind a couch.)

Kevin:    That got rid of him.  Who's writing this story now?

Bob:       It is I, Bob, who has taken control of this story.

Kevin:    Bob?

Bob:      Yes.

Kevin:   Jeff got taken away, he was a critical part of this case.

Bob:      Have no fear, BOB IS HERE!

Kevin:   Why do I think this is bad? (Matt and Lita walk in)  Crap.

Matt:      Why am I being sued?

Lita:      What the hell is this letter I got?

Kevin:   Hey Rocky, you're litigants have arrived.  (Leaves, Kane follows)

Lita:      Litigants? Somebody's suing me?

Rock:    Lita, why are you suing Matt?

Lita:      WHAT?!?!

Rock:    It says here on my little paper thing that my case today is Lita vs. Matt. I don't think Matt has the balls to sue you.

Matt:     Lita, you're suing me?!?!?

Lita:      No! I got this letter saying that I had to appear here at a certain time or else I would be suspended from the roster after I recover from my injury.

Rock:   The Rock finds this amusing.

Matt:    So, you're not suing me?

Lita:     Not on purpose at least.

Matt:    Why am I here?

Rock:   Because (looks around for someone to help him out) HEY! Where's Kevin Kelly?

Matt:    He left.

Rock:   He's the person who tells me what to do. The Rock doesn't know how to be a judge.. This isn't fairrrrrrrrr!!!

Kevin:   (randomly appears, taunting the Rock) HAHAHHAHA! THE ROCK IS GONNA THROW A TEMPER TANTRUM LIKE CHRISTIAN!

Rock:     Hermaphrodite!   You've come back to help me! (Runs over to Kevin Kelly tries to give him a hug, falls flat on his ass)

Kevin:   You don't think I'd actually come back to help you do you? (Rock is confused) Oh, you did.  Well, I'm just a hologram, and as a hologram, I'm hungry.  Bye. (disappears)

Author:   Whoa, Bob, this is a good story so far.  Well, the part you've written at least.  I'm surprised.  Here's a cookie. (Bob leaves) I'm back, stupid Martians. Everyone who lives on Earth, we now belong to Planet Stasiak.  God help us all.

Lita:       This is too weird.  I'm leaving.

Rock:     Take the Rock with you.  (Matt, Lita, and the Rock leave.  The courtroom is empty, silent, and then someone is knocking on the door)

Harvard:   Hello? (AKA Chris Nowinski for those who don't know) I think we are okay, William.  No one is in here. (William Regal and Harvard enter)

William:   Good.  Now, with these two dirty rats will be busy during RAW we can try to get the Tag Team Titles.  (a/n: I really would NEVER want to see these two morons with the tag team titles)

Harvard:   This is just a convenient way to get their unintelligent asses off TV for a while.  It's our duty as well-educated members of society to keep morons like them off TV.

William:    Right-o boy. (places a piece of paper on the Rocks desk) Now, let's get out of here before anyone notices us. (They leave.  Seconds later Jeff and Jericho come back in)

Jeff:        I think we lost her. (The Rock enters)

Rock:     What in blue hell are you doing in MY courtroom?

Jeff:        shhhhhhhhh! We are hiding!

Rock:     Oh.  (walks to his desk) What's this?

Jeff:        It was here when we came in.

Rock:     Interesting.  Have you seen Kane and the hermaphrodite lately?

Jericho:   Nope. (Kevin Kelly and Kane walks in)

Kevin:     What Rock?

Rock:      Do you know what this is? (hands the envelope to Kevin)

Kevin:     (opens it) HA! We have our next case.

Rock:       Who's it between?

Jeff:         Can we play pranks?

Kevin:     Not worth it.  I think this case will be interesting enough by its self.

Kane:       Who's it between?

Kevin:     Rob Van Dam is suing Chris Jericho.

Jericho:    WHAT? WHY?

Kevin:    He says that he's Mr. Monday Night and the fact that your saying RAW IS JERICHO, you're stealing it from him.

Rock:      I don't like that case.  Can I dismiss it?

Kevin:    Nope.

Rock:     Why not?

Kevin:    Because.

Rock:     Because why?

Kevin:    Either way the outcome will be heavily amusing.

Rock:     (confused) Ok.  Now, everyone, get out of my courtroom! (Veronica comes running in)

Veronica:   JERRRRRRRRRRRRRRKKKYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!! JEFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!! (They both scream, but before they know it, she has captured them again.) Muwhahahhahhahahaha! (Hardcore Holly runs in)

Hardcore:   Have you seen Marc Lloyd?

Kevin:        I hate that guy.

Hardcore:   So do I.  I wanna go kick his ass.  Have you seen him?

Kevin:        Can I help?

Hardcore:   Sure.

Rock:         No! Hermaphrodite you have to stay here and help the Rock.

Kevin:       Damn.  Kane, can you go with Hardcore and tape it?  I really want to see Marc Lloyd gets his ass kicked.  (Hands Kane a video camera)  
Hardcore:  Where did the camera come from?

Kevin:        The beauty of this courtroom is almost anything you want can be given to you.

Hardcore:   Can I have Marc Lloyd then?

Author:       Sorry, I don't want to see that guy.  But, he's conveniently looked up in the bathroom two doors down.  Undertaker is holding him captive for you.

Hardcore:     Nice.  (He and Kane leave)

Author:        This is the end of this chapter.  Review: Marc Lloyd sucks, the Rock can't do anything by himself, Jeff is still stuck in the Walls of Jericho, and Veronica has Jeff and Jericho in her control.  I'm the Prime Minister of the World, and the Leader of the World's Army.  Earth temporarily belongs to Planet Stasiak because of the stupid good for nothing Martians.

THE END 

**Next Chapter:  We will finally solve who is the REAL Mr. Monday Night.  Does Raw really belong to Jericho? OR does it belong to RVD?**

_Author:   I think I know what I'm going to do with this, but…you never know!_

How long will Jeff Hardy be stuck in the Walls Of Jericho?  Do we really belong to Planet Stasiak?

_Author:  Yes, I'm sorry.  I need my chauffeur for this chapter._

Did Kevin Kelly, Kane, and Jeff ever get paid for the incriminating pictures of the Rock, Kurt Angle, and X-Pac?  Will they ever get paid?

_Kane:  I knew we forgot something!_

_Kevin:  The Rock will pay us._

What evil are William Regal and Chris Harvard up to?  Can they actually be evil? 

_Harvard:   Are you mocking us?_

_Author:   Not exactly._

Is Kurt Angle going to randomly appear sometime soon?  Who's going to be with him? Does Angle have a new friend?!?

_Author:   Kurt Angle had a new friend, but I sold him over eBay. Muwahhahahhahahhahahhahahahahaha! I'm from the valley of Muwhahhahahaz and I say MUWAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAZ! I sold Kurt Angle's friend over eBay and X-Pac is next.  I'm waiting for my damn chauffeur to arrive.. Where is he? He better get here soon or else… (Knock, knock)_

_Big Sexy Kevin Nash:  Hi, I'm your chauffeur.  Sorry it took so long, but I'm kind of injured._

_Author:     I know you are, but this is my story.  So, I makey you uninjured._

_B.S.K.N.:  Sweet! (they fizzle out)_

Oh, and as a lasting note for everyone: PLEASE REVIEW! I need fans that like either Jericho or RVD for my next scene.  So, tell me which one you like.  Also, if you hate Tazz, Marc Lloyd, Michael Cole, Jerry the King, JR, or (most importantly) THE ROCK.  Tell me that too.  I'm going to add random Fan Fiction people. So, if you dislike any of the following people named, tell me, Especially if you dislike the Rock.


	5. A New Meaning to Monday Night Wars: Rob ...

PEOPLE'S COURT

Main Characters: (will change chapter to chapter)

-Kevin Kelly (Bailiff)

-The Rock (Judge who does nothing)

-Kane (Fluffah)

-Undertaker (Fluffah)

-RVD (Plaintiff)

-Jericho (Defendant)

-Jeff Hardy (Still stuck in the Walls of Jericho)

-Veronica (Dictator of the World/after Jeff Hardy and Jericho)

-Lance Storm (Un-American.  I mean Anti-American *it sounds better*)

-Tommy Dreamer (Witness)

-And others, many others…

**Disclaimer:  **Blah.  I don't own anything. Vince owns everything; we're just here to buy his pay-per-views. (Ha! I even stole that from Rampage magazine…whoa, I'm lame..). Oh yea, this will be FILLED with shameless plugs for other authors. Thanks to all those who review! 

**To the Authors mentioned**: My bitter sarcasm and randomity might come at your expense.  Take it as a compliment because that is what it is meant as. That really makes no sense.  Just don't take offence to the stuff I'm saying unless you're Veronica or Dani.  Veronica and Dani: take offence to it all.  J  

**SETTING:  **Parts of this take place before the unification of the Hardcore Title and Parts of it take part after that.  I started writing this a while ago, and I had planned to finish it before Summerslam, but SCHOOL got in the way.  Damn School.

_*Sniff*_

Author:    So, I told Jeff Hardy that if he wanted to get out of the Walls of Jericho, he would have to admit that he's on heroine. But, he didn't want to admit it.  So he's going to stay in the Walls of Jericho.  Then, I told him I was going on vacation.  He's never going to get out of the Walls.

Bob:         You just got back from vacation.

Author:     Not a real Vacation Bob el Stop Sign.  I'm back in school so I'm taking breaks.

Bob:         So, Jeff is never going to get out of the Walls?

Author:    Perhaps, but you just don't know he might get out now..(Pause) Nope, he's still in the Walls.  I just don't know how long he can last.  There is no tapping out in this placeness.

Bob:         Eh?

Author:     You're no fun. Get out of my story.

Bob:          I have the day off?

Author:     What are you talking about? You never actually help me.  You're not my muse, you're my *secret* identity-counter-part person.

Bob:          Oh yeah.  I forgot. (Leaves)

Author:     So, last we checked Kane was talking to himself.

Kane:        No I wasn't.  

Author:     Really?

Kane:        Yes!

Author:     Oops.  I was talking to myself. Sorry.  I'm not the brightest sometimes.

Kane:        I've noticed.

Author:     You're so lucky your fluffah.

Kane:        Fluffy? I'M FLUFFY???????!?

Author:     Yes.  (Taker randomly appears)

Taker:       HA! You're fluffy!!

Author:     TAKERRRRRRRR!! You're fluffah too.

Taker:       WHAT?!?

Author:     Sorry, you're not Austin who's a wife-beater by the way.  Kane and Taker are fluffah.

Taker:        Since when?

Author:      You've always been fluffah.

Taker:         I don't like you.

Author:       (cries) not……nice…….

Taker:        What the-? (Disappears)

Author:       (sniff) Where's Kevin Kelly?

Kane:          He's plotting against the Rock.

Author:       (sniffling still) That's good.  But, he really needs to start this case. (Kane gives the Author a hug.  She stops sniffling.) Thank you Kane.  (Kevin Kelly walks in) You're late.

Kevin:         Sorry, Taker made me listen to him about being fluffy? (Author and Kane laugh) What's that all about?

Lance Storm:       Aboot.

Kevin:           Huh?

Lance:           Eh?

Kevin:           What the hell?

Lance:           Damn you Americans.

Kevin:           Is that the only retort you can come up with?

Lance:           Yes.

Kevin:           You're lame.

Lance:           (gets a big boot to the face from Kane) What was that for? (Random demonic laughter gets another big boot to the face, once he hits the ground he falls through the floor.)

Kane:             He'll have fun down there.  A lot of people blame America for being in hell.

Kevin:           Really?

Kane:            Nope.  They blame Canada.

Kevin:           That's good.  Maybe he'll get a well-deserved ass kicking. Today's case really makes me want to go home and sleep.  I can't stand listening to Jericho whine and bitch.  It's almost as bad as the Rock. (The Rock enters)

Rock:         Was The Rock being called?

Kevin:        Nope.

Rock:         You sure?

Kevin:        Positive.

Rock:         Where's the case people? (Almost on cue, Jericho walks in)

Jericho:      I'm the KING OF THE WORLD! (Jeff is still in the walls)

Veronica:   Jerrrrrrrkyy!

Pyper316:   IT'S JERICHO!

Azrael:        Pyper, you do know that RVD is going to win don't you?

Pyper316:   No he's not! RAW IS JERICHO!

Author:       Wanna bet?

Pyper316:   How much you got Azrael?

Azrael:        I didn't ask to bet.  That was the author.

Pyper316:   Likely story for somebody who knows their wrong.

Azrael:        Fine, I'll bet you a pizza.

Author:       Pizza's illegal. (Everyone is appalled)

Veronica:    I know I'm not supposed to come in till later, but pizza is one of the four foods you'll actually eat.

Author:       I'm sorry!  Those damn Martians, they were supposed to be OUR allies.  But, a certain DICTATOR decided to steal Marvin The Martian (Go watch Looney Toons if you don't know who he is!) from them.  So, they got us back by helping Planet Stasiak.  I'm working on recruiting them back to our side.  But, until then, pizza and Pepsi Twist is illegal.

Veronica:    NOT PEPSI TWIST! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Author:       Sorry.  It's your fault though. Why'd you have to steal him?

Veronica:    He was fluffah.

Author:       So are Kane and Taker, but we don't take them!

Kane:          Why am I fluffy again?

Author:       Because you look like a teddy bear.

Kane:          Um..ok.. That's a new one.

Author:       Veronica?  Pyper 316 stole Jerky.

Veronica:    NOOOOOOOOO!!! JERKYYYYY!! COME BACK!! (Grabs Jeff by the hand and runs after Pyper and Jericho)

Bob:            Jeff got out of the walls!

Author:       I thought you were leaving. 

Bob:            Too much work.

Author:       Well Mr. Jeff Hardy shouldn't get used to being out of the walls.  It's just temporarily.

Rock:          Has the Rock said anything?

Author:       Rock, go back to sleep.

Rock:          The Rock wants to go home soon.

Author:       Then go get Jericho back. (The Rock runs after Jericho who is being pulled by Pyper who is being chased by Veronica who is dragging Jeff along.) Where's (does thumb thing) R.V.D.? 

Kevin:        Probably smoking weed.

Author:      Kevin Kelly, I'm in denial about that.  Do you want to get kicked out of my story?

Kevin:       Yes, because it will get me away from the Rock.

Author:      Just remember I hold all the power in the world- well, most of it anyway. You see what Jeff is stuck with?  You know being stuck in the walls **AND **with Veronica all the time?

Veronica:  (not seen just heard, slightly) Evil.

Author:     (to Veronica) Point? (Long pause) Kevin Kelly, I'll make you be the Rock's crony.

Kevin:       Shutting up.

Author:      Go find (does thumb thing) R.V.D.!

Kevin:        Leaving. (Leaves)

AngryMew2:  I thought you were going to bash commentators.

Author:       Too much work.  Next Chapter, I'll let you get some weird twisted revenge against King for talking about "Puppies" all the time. 

AngryMew2:  Sweet.  How'd I get into your story anyway?

Author:       The same way everyone else does, you randomly appeared.  And now, that you have successfully filled a space while waiting for (thumb thing) R.V.D. (RVD walks in) and Jericho to return, you will exit.

AngryMew2:   Bye.  (Climbs up the walls like Spiderman and leaves while Ver and Pyper are fighting in the background.)

Author:        That's a new way of getting out of my story.

Pyper 316:    But I want Jericho. You already have Jeff!

Veronica:     I got promised Jerky.

Pyper 316:   So?

Azrael:        Pyper, you can't have Jericho.  Somebody already claimed him.  

Pyper 316:  No they didn't!

Veronica:    I CLAIMED JERKY!!!!

Pyper 316:  Oh. (Unhappy) Well, why am I here if I can't have Jericho? (Author points at Azrael. They start fighting)

Veronica:   One time when I was walking to 7-11, I brought my Jeff Hardy action figure—

Author:      Was that the time I bought my Kane bobble head?

Veronica:    I don't know.  But, my mom was like "stick together blah blah" and then she was like "Just remember He's always with you." And I said, "Of course I'm bringing my Jeff Hardy toy.." and she was like "No, God is always with you." And I was like "but Mom, Jeff Hardy is god." And then I got in trouble.

Author:       And I laughed.  Nice trip down memory lane, but I really need to finish this chapter! Where's Kevin Kelly? (Pyper is starting to fight with Azrael)

RVD:         Is that why he was following me?

Author:      Yup.

RVD:         Oh. (Marc Lloyd walks in)

Author:      HERMAPHRODITE ALERT!!! (Points at Marc Lloyd, a smile crosses the Rocks face)

Rock:         That's not the hermaphrodite! (Gets pouty) That's the sick freak Marc Lloyd.

Author:      (laughs demonically) Guess what Marc Lloyd?  (Kane walks to the back door and locks it) You're trapped.  (Hardcore Holly is hand in hand with Starfallen while they walk in with T'laren and THE UNDERTAKER from the Judge's chambers.  They lock the door.)

Hardcore:   Hi Marc.  How are you today?

Marc Lloyd:   Shit! (Turns around right into Kane)

Kane:         No, no escaping.

Taker:        It's always fun to chase your prey.

Hardcore:   We'll chase him tomorrow.  As for right now, we got him where we want him.  Stuck between all of us.  (They all run towards him, Kane hits him first, then taker.  The beating continues for the rest of the court proceeding)

Starfallen:  GOOD JOB HARDCORE! HIT HIM HARDER!! (Hardcore smiles, beats the living shit out of Marc Lloyd, and then Kane picks him up.  CHOKESLAM! Then, Undertaker does the same.  DOUBLE CHOKE-y-SLAM!)

Author:      Ahem! I'd like to finish this court session.

Jericho:      Yea, please, a living legend like myself can't deal with this as he has better things to do.

Author:       Like watching the cat fight between Veronica and Pyper that will end soon?

Jericho:      Actually, I'm not into catfights.

Author:      That's not surprising. But, it is over you.

Jericho:      And what catfights AREN'T over me?

Author:      Normal Ones.

Azrael:      Ones with meaning?

Author:     Fights with points?

Azrael:      Good fights? (Jericho shoots evil looks at Azrael and the Author.  They snicker)

Author:     Seriously though, have two girls ever fought over you?

Jericho:     Yeah.

Author:     Besides those two (points at Veronica who is clutching onto Jeff Hardy and yelling at Pyper.)

Jericho:    Of Course!

Author:     Stephanie and Triple H don't count.

Jericho:     But Stephanie is a girl! Really!

Author:     I know she is, but Triple H is still convinced that he's not a girl. Plus, I just don't want that to count.

Jericho:     Well, there was that one time—

Author:     Jeff Hardy and Christian don't count either.

Jericho:    And why not?

Author:    Because of the reason that exists.

Jericho:   Which is?

Author:   The one in my head.  Can you think of anyone else?

Azrael:    I'm beginning to think he doesn't enjoy women's company if you catch my drift.

Author:   I never thought different, especially Veronica and Pyper's company.

Azrael:    I know that feeling.  (Pyper is pulling on one of Jericho's arms.  Jeff is back in the Walls of Jericho.  Veronica is pulling on Jericho's other arm. The Rock walks in)

Rock:      What in THE blue hell is going on here?  (You see RVD talking to Kevin Kelly.  Hardcore Holly, Kane, and Taker are beating up Marc Lloyd.  Azrael and the Author are standing next to a table covered with papers that are plots on how to get Earth back from Planet Stasiak, and of course the added bonus of plotting against Pyper, Veronica, and Jericho.  Tommy Dreamer walks in)

RVD:    Tommy! Over here man!  (Tommy looks @ RVD.  Then, walks over)

Tommy:  Hey man.

RVD:     Congratulations are your continuing reign of Hardcore Champion.  I'm kinda sad to see the 24/7 Rule go, but it's all good.

Tommy:  Thanks.  (Of course, he has the belt with him) I'm glad the 24-7 rule is over with; it makes keeping this thing easier.  But, then again, compared to ECW these hardcore matches are nothing.

RVD:     Man, ECW was sweet wasn't it?

Tommy:  Yup.  I wish it were still around.

RVD:      Same here.  Why are you in here anyway?

Tommy:  I got this subpoena from that tight-ass moron Regal.

RVD:      I hate that guy.

Tommy:   Don't we all?  Apparently, I'm one of your witnesses.  What you do?

RVD:      I got this thing saying that I was suing Jericho over Mr. Monday Night title.  But, I don't remember making that suit.

Tommy:   Weird.   How long you think this is gonna be? (Tazz walks in from judge's chambers)

RVD:       I have NO idea.

Tazz:   Just Anutha Victim.  (Gets hit over the head by a floating 2 by 4. He falls to the ground; the 2 by 4 is now randomly floating.  A/N: I blame some random author for this who just kept making Tazz say that. I am starting to like Tazz as an announcer, BUT he disses the cape and that my friends is NOT cool.)

Rock:      (looks at the 2 by 4, then Tazz, then Tommy Dreamer, then RVD *both of which are ignoring it and talking about how cool EC f'in Dub was*, and then at the Author suspiciously) Ahem.  Author?  What's with the floating 2 by 4?  (Floats over to the Rock.  Floating right above his head.  Author and Azrael are still plotting against Planet Stasiak, Pyper, Veronica, and Jericho) HELLO?!? Author? I don't like this flying 2 by 4.

Author:   Sorry, can't help ya there.  The floating 2 by 4 isn't under my control.

Rock:      (more worried then before) Whose control is it under? (Author points at Kevin Kelly.  The Rock screeches.) Uh, can we start the case?  (The Rock whines) I wanna get away from Kevin Kelly! (Whack, gets hit over the head with the 2 by 4 very lightly, Kevin Kelly laughs.  Author ignores Rock and goes back to plotting with Azrael.) Author, I hate you.

Author:     The feeling is mutual Rock.  Very mutual.  The People at Summerslam reminded us that ROCKY SUCKS! ROCKY SUCKS!

Rock:    (whimpering) I hurt my ribs!  (Kane punches Rocky in the ribs, snickers and runs away.  Brock and Paul Heyman come in)

Brock:   (taunting) Rocky, I got your belt!!

Rock:     Give it back you ASSCLOWN!

Jericho:  That is MY phrase JABRONI!

Rock:      You know what, Chris Jericho; you are proposing a fight aren't you?

Jericho:    Is that a challenge?

Rock:       Hello! You challenged the Rock! 

Jericho:    I did no such thing, but if the Rock is challenging me—(Rocky cuts him off)

Rock:       Well, Jericho, the Rock says (does hand thing) JUST BRING IT!

Jericho:    Bring what? A vomit bag?  A fig Newton? (A/N: go listen to an Armageddon promo from a while back)

Rock:       You bring the ass; I'll bring the whooping!

Jericho:    (points at the Rock) There's the Ass! (Rock and Jericho stare each other down)

Paul:      Excuse me girls!  (They look evilly at Paul)  The *new* Undisputed Belt belongs to Brock Lesnar.  And my client, Brock Lesnar, has something to say.

Brock:     Thank you Paul.

Rock:       (muttering at Heyman) Walrus.

Jericho:    (also muttering) Ass Clown.

Brock:      I am the Undisputed Championship, the youngest Champion in the history of the WWE!

Jericho:    SHUT THE HELL UP JUNIOR!  I was the FIRST Undisputed Champion!  I beat that Jack off (pointing at the Rock) And Stone Cold Steve---

SCSA:     What?

Jericho:    I'm telling lil' Brock and his bitch here about how I beat you and jack off over there.  (Veronica and Pyper start talking more)

Veronica:   Anyway, Jeff is still stuck in the walls of jerky and Leah, the author, isn't too happy with the WWE or Jeff so I don't think she's ever going to let him out.  I might be willing to give you Jerky if the circumstances are right.

Pyper:     (Jericho and SCSA and Rocky are reminiscing.  Brock is bitching at Heyman.  Wait, Brock isn't allowed to talk.  Brock is hitting on Heyman? Ugh.. That doesn't work either.  Brock and Paul Heyman sit down until the Author thinks of what to do with you!)  But it's possible?

Veronica:   Possibly.  (Azrael walks over to Pyper whispers something in her ear.  Pyper Yells) I'm confused.  (Pyper runs out of the room.   Veronica scratches her head in a confused state then follows.  Azrael walks over to Brock, whispers something to Heyman, snickers and walks away.)

Heyman:     That's absurd.

William Regal:  (outta no-where) Besmirched! (Long pause, everyone looks at him funny. NO one is talking anymore.  Azrael and Leah have temporarily stopped plotting against Planet Stasiak, Jericho, and their two friends that just disappeared.)

William Regal:  Well, umm, I'm going to play cards with the APA.  Would anyone care to join me?  (Everyone's mouth drops)

Heyman:      Playing cards?

William Regal:  Yes.

Heyman:          With the APA?

Regal:         Yes.  Why?  (Everyone starts laughing their asses off, SCSA is almost crying because he's laughing so hard.  Rock is rolling on the floor laughing, Hardy boy is taking advantage and tries to get out of the walls) What is so funny?  (Taker walks in and picks up SCSA.  Kane picks up the Rock.)

Brothers of Destruction:  WE ARE NOT FLUFFY! (They choke slam SCSA and the Rock)

Author:      Yes, you are fluffah.

BOD:         No.  We aren't!

Author:      Taker, you weren't supposed join Smack-y-down after Raw that Monday.

Taker:        But, I needed my belt back.

Author:      I agree with that statement, but you are just going to job to Brock.  It's common sense.  The WWE has built him as indestructible; he's not going to lose it for a long time.  And, dammit, I wanted a B.O.D. reunion.

Taker:        Maybe Kane will defect too.

Author:      He better not.  He should be nice and wait until two Mondays after Unforgiven since I am hopefully going to see that Raw taping.

Taker:        (hangs is head in shame) I'm sorry.

Author:      Me too, but I'm extremely sorry for what I have to do.  I have to kick you out of my story.  I'm angry with you.  (Taker hangs his head in shame as he walks out the door)  That was something I was not looking forward to doing.  Now, were we in this saga?

Femalephenom:  Dude, you got rid of Taker! Who's going to beat up Marc Lloyd now? (Author points to the door.  Marc Lloyd is still getting beat up by Hardcore Holly and friends.)

Femalephenom:   But, it was Taker!

Author:          I know, he'll be back into these stories soon enough.  Where we're we in this saga?

Y2D:        Well, Pyper and Veronica randomly disappeared.  JERICHO!! SCSA, and the Rock we're laughing at Regal who is off to play cards with the APA.  (Taker sneaks in, sits next to Kane who is just randomly sitting in the middle of the floor)

Author:     (not noticing Taker) Oh, yes, thank you Y2D.  If you want to steal Jericho, this would be your chance because both Pyper and Veronica are gone.  (Y2D jumps up and down, and then goes to cling on to Jericho)

Jericho:    Help…(Author disappears.)

Kane:      This should be interesting.  (Notices taker is sitting next to him) Hi.  (Kevin Kelly sits down)  Hey Kevin.  (Heyman and Regal are talking.  Regal is trying to convince Heyman to play with him…GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTERS PEOPLE!)

Rock:      Well, (talking to Jericho and ignoring the fact he needs help, and talking to SCSA) It's been nice chatting with you.  But, I have a court to run.  Kevin Kelly? Get your ass up here. (Whining) Kevin Kelly, where are you?

SCSA:      You whine a LOT Rocky!

Rock:       You took your ball and went home so SHADDUP!

SCSA:      Bitch.  (Walks out of the courtroom muttering evil things.  Kevin Kelly writes his name on a list of people.  As he is walking out, Pyper and Veronica walk in.  Author re-appears to help Azrael with plotting against Planet Stasiak.)

Author:   That's perfect! (Yells) PLANET STASIAK! (Rocky walks over)

Rock:       Can we start the proceedings?

Author:    Talk to Kevin Kelly.  (Yells again) STASIAK!

Azrael:     I want Pizza.

Author:    I want Pepsi Twist.

Stasiak:   You Rang?

Author:    I want earth back dammit!

Stasiak:    We could work something out.

Author:     Ok. What do you want?

Stasiak:     Martha Stewart, Richard Simmons, Elmo and Mr. Rogers.

Author:     (tries hard not to jump up and down) I'll have to see about Elmo.  But, take the rest.  Now, if we give you Elmo, he can't be put into any harm.

Stasiak:     Elmo will be treated like a king.

Author:      And the others can't be treated like a king.

Stasiak:     We need crash test dummies.

Author:      Let me consult with the Dictator of the World.  (Yells) VERONICA! (Veronica is ignoring her)  Q-TIP! (She still ignores her)  (Author snaps her fingers; Al Snow comes up to her)  May I have a giant q-tip please?

Al Snow:    Yes, ma'am.

Author:       Thank you. (Al hands her a giant q-tip)  Thank you Al, you can go back to TE3 now.  (Al leaves. Author gets up, with the giant q-tip walks outside to Veronica) Ahem! (Veronica looks at the Q-tip, screams, and hides behind Pyper.)

Veronica:   GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!! 

Author:       I need to consult something with you.

Veronica:    OK! Just get rid of that damn q-tip.  I hate those things. It's all Emily's fault.

Author:       I know. (The q-tip combusts) Look over this and see if it is ok.  (Veronica gives her a funny look)

Veronica:    Too much work.  (Author walks away)

Author:        Stasiak, you have a deal.

Stasiak:       I look forward to being on the same side as Earth.  (Author hands Stasiak four certificates)

Author:       You can pick them up with the addresses on the cards.

Azrael:       Where did you get those?

Author:       When I became Prime Minister and the military leader of the world I got these for every person living.

Azrael:        Do you have one on me?

Author:       Yep.  A majority of the information is blank though.

Azrael:        Really?

Author:       Yes, ROCKY! Start the damn case. I have homework to do.

Azrael:        Why is Jeff still in the walls? (Demonic laughter.  Rock is trying to get anyone's attention.  He's failing)

Heyman:      Well, when you put it that way, I guess I'll go play cards with you and the APA.  It's not like anything is going to happen here.

Regal:         Splendid.  (Heyman and Regal get up, they start to leave)

Heyman:     Brock, would you like to come play?

Brock:        Would I like to play cards? With the APA?

Heyman:    Yes.

Brock:        Would I like to play poker WITH my money with the APA?

Regal:       Why does everyone make it seem so absurd?

Brock:       I maybe a rookie, but I'm not a dumbass-

Heyman:   You're not a rookie, you're UNDISPUTED CHAMPION!

Brock:       True, but I know better than to play cards with the APA.  I'd like to keep the money I have thank you very much.

Heyman:     It can't be as bad as everyone says.  (Brock gives him a funny look)  You sure you don't wanna come?

Brock:        You have fun Paul. 

Heyman:     All right, I'll see you later than. (Paul and Regal leave)

Rock:          I can't believe Regal and that walrus Heyman really think that playing cards with the APA can't be as bad as everyone says.  What morons!  Now those two moronic ass-clowns-

Jericho:     Stop stealing my word dammit!

Rock:        Shut Up Jabroni!

RVD:        You know, everything's cool and all, but it's almost 4:20 and I have places to go and things to—

Kevin:      Smoke.

RVD:        Whatever.

Rock:       The Rock has better things to do then watch RVD point to himself!

Jericho:     Well, RAW IS JERICHO! (Pyper and Veronica cheer.  Jericho looks over at them, they become quiet) Therefore, I WIN.  Now, let me go home you jackoff!

Rock:        RVD- retort?

RVD:        I've been Mr. Monday Night since YOU (points at Jericho) was on ECW.

Unseen Crowd:   (heavy chants) E C DUB! E C DUB! E C DUB!  E C DUB! E C DUB! E C DUB!  E C DUB! E C DUB! E C DUB!  E C DUB! E C DUB! E C DUB!  E C DUB! E C DUB! E C DUB!  E C DUB! E C DUB! E C DUB!  E C DUB! E C DUB! E C DUB! E C DUB! E C DUB! E C DUB!

Rock:       (looks for the crowd, but cant find them. Gives the peoples eyebrow.)  Where's the crowd.  (The crowd laughs) Moving On- (Rocky Sucks chant starts) what the—

Jericho:     The people don't like you Rock. (Rocky sucks chant stops.  Jericho Sucks chant starts.  Pyper and Veronica get up walk out, the chant is stopped mid-sentence they walk back in)

Veronica:    Continue on.  (Everyone gives them weird looks.)

Rock:          Jericho do you have anything to add?

Jericho:      Two witnesses Ricky.

Rock:         You know my name Bitch.

Jericho:      Can I bring my witnesses or not?

Rock:         Sure.  Whatever.

RVD:         (laughs) It sounds like I'm rubbing off on the Rock. (Thinks) Wait, that is so uncool. (People look at him funny.) Ugh, never mind.  (Pyper takes the stand first)

Jericho:      Is it true I'm a rock star?

Pyper:        Yes.

Jericho:      Is it true Raw is Jericho?

Pyper:        Yes.

Jericho:      Do I rule all?

Pyper:        Yes.

Jericho:      Thank you. 

Rock:          Kevin Kelly what happens next?

Kevin:        RVD can ask the witness questions?

RVD:         Is it true you're a Jerichoholic?

Pyper:        HELL YES!

RVD:         So you're bias?

Pyper:       Huh?

RVD:        Whatever.

Pyper:       Can I go now? (RVD sits down and talks to Tommy Dreamer)

Rock:        (looks at Kevin Kelly, who nods) Yes. Anything else Jerky?

Jericho:     Yes, one more person.  (Veronica walks up)  Same three questions.

Veronica:   (thinks for a long amount of time, Jericho looks bored, the Rock has forgotten where he is.  Same goes for RVD.  Kevin Kelly is waiting for her to talk.)  Yes, Yes, and No.

Jericho:    (remembered what he is doing) WHAT? NO?!?!

Veronica:  Um…

Jericho:      Do I rule all?

Veronica:   Can I lie?

Rock:         Hermy?

Kevin:       (is appalled) NO!

Rock:        Nope.

Veronica:  Damn.  Well, Jericho, I love you.  You know that, but you don't rule all.  You're just a figurehead.  We all know that Leah and I are in control of EVERYTHING.

Plus, I'm still not happy about you having Jeff in the Walls.

Rock:        Why is little Hardy in the walls?

Jericho:      Ask the Author.

Rock:         Author?  (Silence) AUTHOR! Wake UP!

Jericho:      If the Author isn't writing this, who is?

Rock:         Hermy?

Kevin:        Dammit!  Why must I explain everything?  The Author trained her pray-fish to type and think for her.

Rock:         What's a pray-fish?

Author:       Rock! I'm gonna smack you upside the head! I was busy making fun of HHH.  Wait, why am I watching you on TV.  SNL is usually funny.  Plus, MICK FOLEY!  That makes up for you being on it.  Muwahhahaha.   Anyway, I'm back again.  What did you need to know? (Long silence)

Rock:        I don't remember.  

Veronica:  Can I come down now?  (The Rock looks at Kevin Kelly.)

Kevin:       No.  You have to answer RVD's questions

Jericho:     (mumbles) Traitor.

Veronica:   I'm sorryyyyyyyyyy Jerky….

RVD:         Same questions.

Veronica:   Yes and definitely.

RVD:         Do you remember the questions?

Veronica:   No.

RVD:         Neither do I.  I can't think of anything else to ask—(Leah runs up to RVD.  Whispers something in his ear.) What? ARE YOU SERIOUS? (Almost dies of laughter)

Rock:        Ask your question Rob.

RVD:         (stops laughing, tries to ask the question) Are you stalking Raven?

Veronica:   (hangs head in shame) Yes.

RVD:        (Leah whispers something else in RVD's ear) Are you a ghostie?

Veronica:   Yes.

RVD:          What the hell is a ghostie?

Veronica:     (thinks) I'm not sure…

RVD:           Whatever.  Last question.  Is it true you're afraid of q-tips?

Veronica:     I refuse to answer that.  (Looks evilly at Leah who is laughing her ass off)

Rock:           You have to answer all questions that are presented to you.

Veronica:      I plead the fifth.

Kevin:          It isn't an incriminating question.  You can't plead the fifth.

Veronica:      Foiled again!

RVD:            Are you afraid of q-tips?

Veronica:      It's EMILYS FAULT!

RVD:            Is that a yes?

Veronica:      …yes… (Everyone laughs at veronica, whispers) I'll get you Emily. (Emily walks in, taps Jericho on the back)

Jericho:         What do you want Jackoff? (Emily smacks him up the head, laughs, and runs.  Pyper and Veronica run after her.  Demonic laughter is heard.)

Rock:             What now?

Kevin:            RVD do you have any witnesses?

RVD:             Yea, Tommy. (Tommy Dreamer walks up to the stand) Hey Tommy.  How are you?

Tommy:         Last Monday, I jobbed to the Big Show.  I'm not too happy.

RVD:             Sorry to hear that buddy.  Who's Mr. Monday Night?

Tommy:         You.

RVD:              Is RAW Jericho?

Tommy:         HELL NO! (HHH comes in)

HHH:             I'm The GAME.  I am on RAW.  I AM RAW!

Rock:             Great.  Another egomaniac on this case.

Kevin:            That makes three.

Kane:              RVD doesn't have a huge ego.  He just doesn't remember who he is.  That's why he's always pointing to himself. (Veronica re-enters with Pyper, X-Pac, and Emily)

Kevin:           The Author paid me a little extra to be nice to the ECW guys.  Plus, RVD doesn't know the definition of ego.  I was talking about HHH—

Veronica:      H to the TRIPLE!

Kevin:           Right…The Rock- (pauses.  Waits for an interruption.  Looks at Veronica.  Her and Pyper are staring at shiny objects) and Jericho the—

Veronica and Pyper:   JERICHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Kevin:           I should have expected that.

Veronica:      Yes you shoulda.

Kevin:           So, this case has changed.  Now it's Jericho Vs. HHH vs. RVD?

Rock:        The Rock believes so.

Kevin:       Let me guess, the Rock wants me to decide?

Tommy:   Can I get off the stand?

Kevin:      Yes.

Tommy:   Bye Kevin.  (He leaves)

Rock:       Why is X-Pac here?

Veronica:  To torture Emily for smacking Jericho.  (X-Pac is sitting on Emily.  Poor girl.)

Rock:        That's horribly mean.  The Rock says Kevin Kelly should make his decision.

Kevin:       I'd like to hear more.

Rock:        Of who's story?

Kevin:      Triple H's I guess.

HHH:       I'm the Game-uh.  The cerebral assassin.  I really am THAT DAMN GOOD. 

Kevin:      I think I was wrong.

HHH:       I have been here for YEARS.  I have destroyed careers. I forced Mick Foley into retirement- twice.

Author:    That is IT!  I hate you! I have never liked you, I have read what an asshole you are as it is well documented everywhere.  And, I know for a FACT that you didn't force Mick Foley to retire, he wanted to retire.  So, do yourself a favor, and SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU PANSY!

HHH:       I'm the Game-Uh.  I deserve to be treated with some respect-uh.

Author:    Taker!  I forgive you! PLEASE! Kick this guy's ass! (Taker doesn't move) Taker? I'm SORRY!!!!!! (Looks around the room for Taker, he hides)

Kane:      What are you doing?

Undertaker:  Hiding.

Kane:       Why?

Undertaker:   Because she kicked me out!

HHH:        You expect that IDIOT to actually come out and help you? Please.  He knows he can't beat me.  (Undertaker rises from the dead, old lord of darkness style.)

Undertaker:   What did you say Boy? (HHH screeches) Oh, this should be fun.  (He chases after HHH.)

Kevin:        HHH automatically loses, but he was gonna lose anyway.  He just sucks. Literally. I mean, what straight man would have posters of all the Mr. Olympia's in his room?  Or buy a picture of Hulk Hogan?  I don't believe that he ACTUALLY thought somebody would out bid him.

Rock:       I'm sick of this.  I'm going on vacation. (Leaves)

Kevin:     Does that mean I'm judge?

Author:    (drags Rock back in) Sorry, the people's court only works with the asshole that thinks he's a peoples champion.

Rock:       No Vacation?

Author:    Oh shut up.  You don't have to wrestle; you sit on your ass and look pretty. And you aren't even good at that!

Rock:      Ok.  So, do I get to make the verdict?

Author:    You haven't finished the damn proceedings!

Rock:      Forget it. I've come to a ruling.

Kevin:     All rise. (Everyone except for Marc Lloyd who is twitching, Jeff Hardy who's stuck in the walls, and Emily who is being "tortured" by X-Pac. X-Pac is actually just crying on Emily's shoulder, drowning his sorrows, but damn, can he be annoying! Stands.)

Rock:   I have decided on this case.  RVD or Jericho? RAW or Mr. Monday Night? Egomaniac or Stoner? Many complicated things.  Do I listen to the fans or the Innovator of Violence—?

Author:  *cough* Violence *cough*

Rock:     Well, I have thought about this-

Kevin:    Liar.

Rock:      And I have made my decision.  RAW and Monday Nights officially belong to—(silence.) Eric Bischoff.

Author:   (reads past line) HEY! Dammit pray-fish!  What did I tell you about Bischoff?  YOU CAN'T BE NICE TO HIM!!!! 

Pray-fish:   bah bah bah-humbug.  Mah, meh, mo0o, bah.

Author:     Apology accepted. (Edits line about Bischoff out)

Rock:       Raw is RAVEN! (Author looks at Veronica)

Author:    Never again do I trust you idiots to write for me.  Heat is Raven's Playground. RAW IS NOT RAVEN.

Rock:      Raw is War.

Dani:      SHUT UP LEAH! ITS NOT THAT FUNNY.

Author:   It's three damn letters. An R, an A, and a W.  War, Raw. It took you SO long to notice that.  (Laughs demonically)

Dani:       I will get my revenge Leah.  (Ric Flair and Goldust appear) You're forgiven. Wooooooooooooooooooooo (walks out with Ric Flair and Goldust.)

Rock:      AHEM!  I've made my damn decision.  RAW is-

Booker T:  The Spin-a-roonie!

Rock:      NO!

Booker T: Succccccccccccckaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

Rock:         Dammit, shut up! The Rock is trying to speak and all you asswipes will listen-

Author:       The Rock wants to be Jericho.  They both are a little to obsessed with Jack and Asses.  Who's Jack anyway?

Rock:         (glaring at the Author) RAW IS JERICHO!

Jericho:       I AM THE KING OF THE WORLD!

Author:       Oh yeah?  Well, what war did the World just win?

Jericho:       We aren't in War.

Author:       Yeah, exactly, shut the fuck up. Damn Jerichoholic.  Rock, can you give the CORRECT verdict please?

Rock:         The Rock gives up.  You decide Kevin Kelly.

Author:       Kevin Kelly went home twenty minutes ago.

Rock:          Marc Lloyd?

Author:      Bludgeoned into a bloody pulp and STILL getting his ass kicked.

Rock:         Um…Ok…So, Is RAW Jericho or RVD?

Author:       I'm an EC Dubber.  But, Jericho was ECW too.  However, RVD was ECW for LIFE!

Rock:         So? 

Author:      You decide.

Rock:         Screw this.  RAW IS ROCKY! (Leaves, Jericho is pissed as hell.  RVD gets up and goes home)

Jericho:     This is an OUTRAGE!  (Seconds later, somebody attacks Jericho from behind making him release Jeff from the Walls of Jericho.  They flee.)

Jeff:           SHIT! (Tries to stand up, falls.  Author laughs)

Bob:          So, he's finally out of the walls.

Author:     Yup, I got enough threats about this.  (Veronica runs over to Jeff)

Veronica:  Jeffffffffffff!!!!!!!

Pyper:       Can I have Jericho now?

Veronica:   Only if you help me find out who freed Jeff.

Pyper:        OK! (Grabs Jericho by the hand, Veronica grabs Jeff and they run)

Author:      Damn pray-fish.  I guess I'll let that one stay.

X-Pac:       Emily, will you marry me?

Emily:       What?!?!

X-Pac:        Will you marry me?

Emily:       Can I cheat on you with Edge?

X-Pac:       Sure.

Emily:       I don't like you.  
Author:     You told Veronica you liked him

Emily:       Am I ever gonna live that down?

Author:      Nope and now you're engaged to X-Pac! HA!

Emily:       But I get Edge right?

Author:     Damn him and that frightening smile.  (Emily gets picked up by X-Pac and they leave) Ah, that's torture for both of them!

**THE END**

**How come Kevin Kelly, Kane *welcome back by the way*, and Jeff never collected on the money from their previous pranks?**

Kevin:      I KNEW we forgot something… 

**How come the Hurricane hasn't appeared lately?**

Hurricane:  I'm right here… 

_Author:    SCORE!!! (Runs off with the Hurricane)_

**Can the Pray-fish type questions?**

_Prayfish:  I am right now, well, Bob the Stop Sign is helping me. Bob rules._

_Bob:   Thanks.  If Leah were here right now she would thank everyone who let her put them in her story.  She also asks to remind people not to be offended by the comments made.  And Happy Earth Winningness.  We are back to being our OWN country!_

****

**What's next for the People's Court?**

Author:   Well, the hurricane won't let me eat any sugar.  I so blame Azrael for this! *Tear* (read her "On Air" story to understand) So, since I'm not allowed to have sugar, and for many other reasons, I'm taking a break from Wrestling Fan Fictions.  Next time I promise something more accurate (in a timely fashion) So that most things will pretty much align with the current story lines.  I wouldn't expect an update for a while though.

_HHH:    Is the Undertaker ever gonna stop kicking my ass?_

_Author:  I get to ask the questions! Undertaker, kick his ass!_

_Starfallen:  What happened to Marc Lloyd?  (Marc Lloyd is twitching and Spike Dudley keeps stepping on him) Oh. Hehe._

**Who freed Jeff Hardy? Will I get revenge on them?**

Author:  Naw, Jeff Hardy in the walls wasn't funny anymore since the WWE stole my idea, however, Scott Hall freed Jeff Hardy.

_Scott:  I did?_

_Author:   You and all the NWA-TNA guys.  You know, Road Dogg, Low Ki, Jeff Ha-ha (Jarrett), and a few others helped free Jeff Hardy._

_Scott:     But, it was only one guy._

_Author:  It was Scott Hall.  It was you._

_Scott:      NO IT WASN'T! You're just trying to confuse the readers!_

_Road Dogg:  It was me._

_HBK:      Can I kick HHH's ass?_

_Author:  PROMISE?!?! Go help Taker, not like he needs it. But, it will be funnier._

_HBK:     Thank you._

_Author:   See you in Glendale HBK.  (A/n: HBK is going to be signing autographs in Glendale, which is right near me! I hope I get to go!!)  Anyway, the Hurricane went to sleep. I'm off to find Sugar._

_Shannon:   No, you're not.  Sugar Shane told me to look after you._

_Author:   The Hurricane is SUCH a better gimmick.  I do miss three count though.  (Thinks about three count, starts singing her version of their song) I like the Backstreet Boys, lies, N Sync too, more lies, Brittany Spears is kind of cute, no she's a WHOOOOOORE, I watch MTV on TRL, that show sucks, sing along with three count ONE TWO THREEEEEEEEE!!! (Disappears, bob the stop sign, the pray-fish and Shannon Moore randomly fell asleep.  Anyone that has been left in the courtroom is now trapped with the pray-fish, stop sign, and Shanny!)_

THE END OF JERKY VS RVD SAGA

THE *TEMPORARY* ENDING OF THE PEOPLE'S COURT!


	6. Rock Meets Divorce Court read ch5 first

PEOPLE'S COURT

Main Characters:

-Kevin Kelly (If you don't know his role by now, finda cliff and jump, but read my disclaimer first)

-The Rock (see above comment)

-Kane (Fluffah and current tag team champion)

-Veronica (Rabbit/President of the Dead Rat Society…you'll find out later)

-Matt Hardy (only other member of the DRS)

-Dani (Bubba's wife, and owner of many harems)

-Bubba (see above)

-Author (nothing special, I just wanted my name on the list)

-Smokey (a mo0o boo be ha ho0o)

-Hurricane (Hurri-tag team champion)

-Emily (Plaintiff)

-X-Pac (oops, I mean Syxx-Pac ::snicker snicker:: um, he's the Defendant)

-Christian (MY hero)

-Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, Raven (racers)

-RVD (not allowed to touch Smokey)

Disclaimer:  Sorry kiddies, this one is gonna be a short one.  Um, its not a WWE person vs. A WWE person.  I had to get this story out of the way so I don't get killed. Vince owns all. I promise a real chapter soon.  Wait, no I don't.  I'm currently writing a slasher that has contained all thought. So, no real idea on when a real chapter will be up.  Author is not responsible for moronic activity (i.e. jumping off cliffs) and/or causing of insanity.  Prepare for randomity.

Kevin:   Dammit! I thought we got rid of you Sean!  
Syxx-Pac:  I go by Syxx-Pac now.

Kevin:   (sarcastically) Oh how original!

Syxx-Pac:   Shut up!  Can I get this over with?

Emily:     Make this divorce final or die.

Rock:      Did I miss anything? (Emily gives Rock the Rock Bottom.)

Emily:     Doooooooo itttttt!

Rock:      Pain…do what the crazy lady says hermie!

Kevin:     Ok, under the grounds that no one should be tortured by Sean Waltman aka Syxx-Pac aka X-Pac aka a worthless piece of monkeyshit, you two are OFFICIALLY divorced.

Jason Mewes:  OFFICIALLY! (go watch the animated version of clerks you assclowns)

Author:    Sweeeeeeeeet! (runs away with Jason Mewes)

Jason:      Help…me…

Veronica:   I must find who freed Jeff hardy!! Author, come back! You made me give Jericho to the Pyper lady.  Now, I want to collect and get Jeff Hardy!!

Author:   Shit, I promised that didn't I?

Veronica:   Yes, you did.

Author:   Damn my promises.  (gets hit by a golf-cart) Ouch!  (the golf-cart stops)

Scott:      Sorry about that Leah. 

Author:   It's ok.  But, only because your Scott Hall.  Now, get me away from the crazy rat.

Dani:       (with Bubba, pointing at Veronica) You look like a dead rat!

Veronica:   You're mean.

Matt:          You are very mean.

Bubba:       You look like a dead rat too!

Matt:          Mean

Veronica:  Evil.

Rock:         this case is over already? (Kane comes in, beats the shit out of Rock, steals his wallet)

Kane:        Finally! We got paid for that stupid prank.

Hurricane:  Good job tag team buddy Kane!

Author:     (slightly out of the court room) Wait! Scott Hall, drive me back.  (drives back, picks up the hurricane) goooooooo heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllll!!!!!!!! Go heel! Go heel dammit!

Hurricane:     I can't.

Author:         You and Christian create a evil superhero league. (gets choke slammed by Kane, twitches)

Scott:           That sucks.  (Smokey, my only friend, runs over to help me.)

Smokey:      ah sie so0o ba bo0oo0o?

Hurricane:   Don't worry Smokey, she'll be ok!

Kane:            What the hell is that?

Veronica:      Is it a dead rat?

Matt:             It can join our society!

Hurricane:     It's Citizen Leah also known as Citizen Author's pray-fish.  It's part dragon, part prairie dog.  I babysat it, so I'm fluent in its language.

Smokey:         wahy lolojhuum a sei ei godoodd?

Hurricane:      Well, Citizen Smokey, your owner suggested that I go evil.  And Kane, (points to Kane) my tag team buddy didn't like the idea.

Smokey:        (runs up to Kane) wlaodgagha ko0loolol as ssiiiiee??????

Kane:              ……

Hurricane:      He wants to know if Leah will be ok.

Kane:             ……

Hurricane:      Just say yes, he doesn't believe me.

Kane:             ……

Hurricane:      Kane! Now is NO time to go Silent.

Kane:             She'll be fine. You are a cute little creature.  (Kane picks up Smokey.  Smokey bites him, he drops Smokey and screams)  It bit me!!

Hurricane:      What did you expect? (Smokey runs up to the Hurricane and gives him a hug)

Rob:            IS that Smokey?!?! (Smokey runs towards Rob. Author magically wakes up)

Author:        Oh no you don't Rob.  Get the HELL away from Smokey.

Rob:            Ah, it is!  I missed you little buddy.

Author:       Smokey, get over here now! 

Smokey:       Aho0oo0o Rob.

Author:       NO!

Rob:           Ah, come on, let me give it a hug.

Author:       I still remember what happened last time you watched Smokey.

Rob:           I'm sorry I broke tradition and whatever but I love this lil' guy.

Author:   Stay away.  (Gets hit by a Shopping cart)

Veronica:   That's for even thinking of making the person who freed Jeff be HHH.

Author:      Bitch.  Now, I will get revenge.  You see little kiddie, I will make Jeff suffer the worst thing possible.  Jeff is HHH's sex slave. Ha!

Veronica:     Nooooooo! (Jeff comes out and Swanton Bombs Veronica, she twitches) twitch.

Author:        Who's laughing now? (Jeff Hardy tries to clothesline the Author but Kane and Smokey save her) Thanks Kane.  (she kicks Jeff hardy who is twitching next to Veronica)

HHH:        I'm here to pick up my prize?

Author:      You get the dead rat and the drug addict. (Raven comes in)

Raven:       Actually, you said the person who freed Jeff Hardy gets both Jeff and the dead rat—err I mean Veronica.  (You hear constant bitching progressing louder in the background)  

Author:     Fine, you can HHH too.

HHH:       What??

Raven:      I don't want him!

Author:     Well, dispose of him somehow will ya? He's ruining my inspiration.  (Emily hits Leah over the head with a Stop Sign.  Smokey lights Emily on fire.)  Now, now, Emily play nice.  Smokey, that goes for you too.  Dammit Rob! I see you creeping towards Smokey, GET OUT! (Rob gets carried out)  Emily if you promise to play nice I'll abduct Edge for you or something.  (Rosy and Jamal enter)

Jamal:       We came to pick up a prize?

Smokey:     ROSEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!

Rosy:         How does that creature know my name??

Author:      Actually, I don't have a prize for you.  I just wanted you to be my friends.

Rosy:       Can I play with the creature?

Author:      Smokey? Yea, he loves you because your name rhymes with his.  (Rosy picks up Smokey and the Island Boys start to leave) Oh, one rule.  Smokey is not allowed to go NEAR Rob Van Dam.  Take the Hurricane with you (whispers) turn him heel (back to normal voice) he can translate everything Smokey says.  (All of them leave, the Author gets hit by yet another golf cart) DAMMIT!

Scott:         Sorry about that.  I was racing Ke---

Author:      Don't finish that name.

Scott:        Ok.  (Author gets hit by Kevin Nash who is in an electric wheelchair.)

Author:      You know, I get you into my story, I be nice to you guys and all of you just beat me up!

Scott:         It was an accident!! (Veronica and Jeff steal Scott's Golf Cart while Raven gets in the shopping cart.  They all line up in the court room)

Author:     oh no.  

Scott:        My Golf-cart! 

Veronica:  Wanna Race Big Sexy?

Kevin Nash:      You're on!  (they race out of the court room)

Scott:       Wait! I wanna race tooooooooooo!! (a motorized Barbie car falls next to him) Funny!  (he climbs in and races after them) hahahha I'm gonna winnnnnnnn!! (Undertaker randomly appears, with his Motorcycle and joins the race too.)

Author:       I need some ice.

Bubba:       I'm mad at you.

Dani:          I'm sorry.

Bubba:       You put me on the injured list, you didn't watch me in my big title match-up, you didn't come to visit me in the hospital, and you still own your harems.

Dani:        I'm sorry Bubba.  I truly am.  I love youuuuuu! Bubbaaaaaa!!!!!!! (Bubba walks away pissed off)

Author:      Dude, I'm so not writing another divorce chapter.  (Dani gets out a table)

Dani:         Bubba! This is your job! (Bubba comes back)

Bubba:      BUBBA! GET THE TABLES!

Dani:        Time to eat wood!  (Author gets thrown threw a table)

Author:     Twitch.  (Christian enters)

Christian:  That so totally reeks the bowels of suckitude.

Author:     Help..me… (Christian helps the Author up and then carries her out of the court room.)

Christian:  Where's the Superhero?

Author:      Watching Smokey.

Christian:   SMOKEYS BACK?!?!? Dude, I'm gonna find Smokey. (Drops the Author)

Author:       Did I mention that Smokey is with Rosy and Jamal.  (Christian picks the author back up)

Christian:    Sorry about that.

Author:       I'll let you play with Smokey all day tomorrow.

Christian:    Cool.  (Author and Christian leave, going back to God knows where.  Emily gets "married" to edge, but we'll work that out next chapter)

_The end_

Who won the Race?  What's going to happen with Bubba and Dani?

Why is Matt a dead rat?

Why did Raven free Druggie Hardy?

Why is Smokey not allowed to go NEAR RVD?

Why are Jamal and Rosy so damn cool?

Why hasn't anyone killed Bischoff and HHH yet?

Why won't the hurricane go heel?

WHY DID CHRISTIAN SAVE THE AUTHOR?!?!

Alright, that's all.  Sorry it's so bad, but I have a lot of things to do and I just wanted to rush a chapter.  Smokey is ok, RVD didn't meet up with him.  (thank god!)  I'm a huge Rosy and Jamal mark if you haven't noticed.  Muwhahhahahaz. Sorry if you hate Rosy and Jamal, but I love them.  The next chapter will be better (hopefully).  You  had to love the trend of me getting my ass kicked, I think I owe to you guys for putting up such a stupid chapter. Plus, I feel like I got hit by a train so I might as well show that in my stories right?!?

Well, I'm out of here, please Review.  Hope you guys liked it

-Leah, her counter-part Bob the Stop Sign, and Smokey.


	7. Beyond Random Appearances and Races to u...

**PEOPLE'S COURT**

Main Characters:  (Will change chapter to chapter)

-Kevin Kelly (His role hasn't changed since the second chapter, referred to as "K.K.")

-The Rock (PAIN IN THE ASS…same role as usual..)

-Azrael (Fellow Author/Helps in War)

-Lil' Spike Dudley (my fiancée)

-Eki (aka Jamal)

-Matt (aka Rosie)

-Christian (Whiny tantrum thrower)

-Rob Van Dam (Attacker)

-Bubba Ray Dudley (Dani's fiancée)

-Stephen Murray (BMXer, winner of this years gravity games)

-Cory "Nasty" Nastazio (BMXer, sexy beast, Steve's roommate according to the people who commentate the X-games)

-Scott Hall, Raven, Veronica, Big Sexy Kevin Nash [referred to as Kevin] (Racers)

-Undertaker (…the phenom.. Need I say more?)

Disclaimer:  Nothing has changed.  I don't own shit and proud of it! But, I must remind you that **Author is not responsible for moronic activity (i.e. jumping off cliffs) and/or causing of insanity.  Prepare for Randomity.**

Setting:  Ok, so its not really current.  Shoot me. Actually, please don't. Sorry it took so long for me to get this up! Hopefully the next chapter will be up sooner! Um, Raven makes a somewhat Anti-Taker speech, but I love Taker it just happened to fit that he was going to get the wrath of Raven.  So, SORRY TAKER!!

Author:      I'm too depressed to write a funny chapter thing.  (A/N: Actually, I'm just stupid)

Azrael:      Did we lose the unknown war between Pluto and Mars?

Author:     Um.. How'd you know about that?

Azrael:      ……….

Author:     Well?

Azrael:      You told me.

Author:     Oh yea.  I forgot.  Anyway, we helped them negotiate.  Wait, you were there.

Azrael:      Nope, I left early to go wok on Amazing Race.

Author:     Really?

Azrael:      Yup.  If they negotiated then what's the problem?

Author:     Then what's the problem? A great injustice has occurred.

Azrael:      Triple H and Bischoff banned together and tried to takeover Smackdown!?

Author:      Worse.

Azrael:      Triple H got his own show?

Author:      He already has his own show, it's called RAW.  This injustice has nothing to do with WWE, but a great injustice has occurred and it saddens me. The worst part however, is that occurred in this courtroom.  (The Rock enters)

Rock:         You cannot overturn what the Rock has previously decided!

Kevin:       I didn't know you knew such big words.

Author:     Rock, if I wanted to, I could overturn ANYTHING.  However, I just don't care.

Kevin:      Nice of you to join us this time Author. (LSD enters)

Spike:       Hey Leah.  Are you ready to go?  

Author:    I'm sorry, but I can't go.

Spike:      But, Dani and Bubba are getting married tomorrow.

Author:    Hopefully Dani and Bubba will forgive me.  Things have come up and I need to take care of them.  (Eki and Matt enter)

Eki:          Hey Author.

Matt:        We just came to pick up Smokey.

Author:    …….

Matt:        Where is he? (Matt starts looking around for Smokey)

Author:     OUT! ROCKY KICK THEM OUTTTTTTTTT!

Rock:       Why? They are my cousins.

Author:     Doooooooooo it!

Rock:       Get out of the Rocks courtroom like the Author lady says too. (they shrug and leave)

Spike:       What was that all about?

Lance:      Aboot. (a/n: I know, this is all I use Lance for, but I love him and gotta give him some sorta credit!)

Kane:       (appearing out of nowhere) I thought I got rid of you!

Lance:      AHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! (he runs out of the room, Kane follows)

Spike:      Right…So, you're definitely not going?

Author:    Let's get this shitty court over with.  I have somewhere to go.

Spike:      SO you are going?

Rock:       Wait, you're not going to insult me before we start the case?  This confuses the Rock.

Author:    Rocky, I'm not in the damn mood to sit here and listen to you.  Let's get this over with.  Spike, I'm not going to be able to go to Vegas.  However, you really need to go.  I don't think Bubba would appreciate you not showing up.  I mean, I know you guys used to feud a lot, but you really need to go.

Spike:      You can't go?

Author:    I told you, I have to take care of something.

Spike:      All right, but Dani and Bubba aren't going to be happy.

Author:    Send them my best.  (Leah kisses Spike on the cheek and Spike leaves)

Kevin:       What's wrong Author?

Author:     It's a long story, call the litigants please.

Kevin:       I don't know who they are yet.  No one has filed a suit. (Christian enters)

Author:     Maybe he'll want to sue someone.

Christian:  Where's my theme music?

Kevin:       Great.  The whiny, temper tantrum bitch has entered.

Christian:   Last time I got music hermy!

Rock:         Hey! No one calls the hermaphrodite that except for me!

Kevin:       Shut up!

Christian:   I want my theme music you assclown! (Everyone waits thinking Jericho will come in and bitch.  When that doesn't happen, they slowly move on) So? Where is it?

Author:     …sigh…. (Author goes to a CD player, turns it on and Christians music plays.) I'll be in chambers icing my body from last episodes attack.  (Walks into chambers, locks the door, and you hear a long exasperated sigh.)

Random:    Meanwhile, back in the court room…

Rock:         Did you see that? She stole my chambers!

Kevin:        Shut up Rock! (Spike re-enters)

Spike:        Has Leah decided to go to the wedding?  I mean, I know she's stubborn and all, but this is ridiculous. (Christians music is still playing) Is the Rock in love with Christian or something? (Kevin Kelly turns off the music)

Kevin:        No, Christian bitched at Leah, she turned it on and left the room.  She locked herself in Rock's chambers.  Why is she so sad? And pissed off?

Spike:        She's not pissed off, at least I don't think she is.  But I have no idea what's wrong with her.  She watched Raw, was angry for me joining the TLC match, visited Bubba in the hospital with me, Dreamer, and Dani.  Then, she was ok.  I woke up this morning and she had already left.  The room looked like a tornado had passed thru-

Hurricane:  Are you sure it wasn't a (dramatic pose) Hurricane?

Spike:         Are you insinuating that you're sleeping with my fiancée?

Hurricane:  Huh?

Lance:        (re-appearing) Eh?

Hurricane:  What?

Kane:          GET HIM! (Hurricane and Kane chase after Lance.  Lance runs like all hell, yelling on his exit)

Spike:         Where were we?

Kevin:         Maybe she's sad that Bubba got hurt.

Spike:          Naw, I know it's not that.  I can't figure it out.  (RVD enters) Hey Rob.

RVD:           Shhhhhhhhh! (Whispering) Are you trying to get me KILLED? (Author comes out of the room and makes a mad dash for RVD)

Author:       You EVIL FOOL! (She starts choking him)

Spike:         (trying to pull Leah off of RVD, Kevin Kelly helps) Whoa, Leah, calm down.  (RVD gags)

RVD:          (Barely able to talk) Man, that was totally uncool.  (Author lunges at RVD)

Author:       I…will…..kill….YOU!

RVD:          I just came to apologize!

Author:       Where is he ROB?

RVD:          (he gulps) I don't know what you're talking about.

Author:        WHERE?

RVD:           I don't know that stupid Hurricane escaped.

Author:        You know I had to spend an hour convincing him he didn't need to go into hiding with the Messiah?

RVD:           The Messiah?

Author:        Yea, he's an Indy wrestler.  He's in hiding because some asshole clipped off two of his fingers after breaking into his house.  (A/N:  I hope the Messiah is doing well, recovering and will be back on the scene ASAP!)

RVD:          Well, I didn't do anything so blah.

Author:        Rob, just tell me where he is. (Bubba enters) GO DUCKS! (grabs Spike and hides behind a couch)

Bubba:         Hey Rob.  You seen Spike? (Rob points to behind the couch)  Spike? Ya back here?  (Bubba picks Spike up by the shirt.) Hi, remember me?  I'm your half-brother and I think we've met before.

Spike:         Funny Bubba, real funny.  What do you need?

Bubba:       Are you coming with us?

Spike:        I have to wait for a certain fiancée of mine.

Bubba:       You better not miss my wedding.  If you do, I promise a certain amount of destruction.

Spike:        To what?

Bubba:       Your body, a certain fiancée of yours body, your house, her Prayfish-

Author:      IT WAS YOU? BUBBA! I CANT BELIEVE YOU DID THAT!

Bubba:       Huh? (Lance Storm sprints in)

Lance:        ITS EH DAMMIT!  (hurries out, with the Hurricane and Kane still closely behind)

Bubba:       What the hell?

RVD:          He's been Canadian-izing words every chance he gets.

Bubba:       That explains Lance, but what's up with Spikes fiancée?  (Author is pouting in a corner while be comforted by Spike)

RVD:         We're not sure.  We've been trying to figure it out all morning.  She tried to choke me earlier.

Bubba:       Oh..(Dani enters)

Dani:          Hi Bubba.

Bubba:       Hey.  Um, you wouldn't know why I got a letter about Triple H in a tutu right?

Dani:         Nope, I have no idea.  Where's Leah?

Bubba:      (points to Leah) Careful, she's not sane.

Dani:         She never has been.  (Dani walked over to Leah, hinted at Spike to leave, Spike did)  YOU TOLD HIM ABOUT TRIPLE H IN A TUTU?

Author:        Dude, it was Veronica!  I swear!  (Veronica enters)

Veronica:  LIES! IT WASN'T ME!  (Steven Murray and Cory "Nasty" Nastazio enter, Veronica exits)

Steve:       Hockey Author?

Author:        Shit.

Steve:      YOU DIDN'T WATCH MY RUN BECAUSE OF HOCKEY?!?

Author:       Commercials actually, you had the competition in the bag!

Nasty:      Just out of curiosity, why'd you miss my run?  (Steve is fuming in the background)

Author:       Bannonluke's fan fiction.

Nasty:     Yeah, I would probably read those over watching my runs any day.  I'll see you at home Steve. (Nasty leaves)

Steve:     What about the replay?  Why'd you miss that?

Author:      Listen, I'm sorry I missed you're run.  Really, I am.  I actually enjoy watching you bike, but this is a** WRESTLING fan fiction and I'd rather not get my ass kicked by wrestlers again.  So, please, leave.  (Steve exits)  Now, what's wrong Dani?**

Dani:    You told Bubba that I thought he was going to leave me for Triple H in a tutu?

Author:    You weren't serious about that were you?

Dani:     Flair left me for Triple H.

Author:     Flair is an old, twisted man remember?

Dani:    Point taken, just never tell Bubba about the tutu thing EVER again.  

Author:    Okay.  You should go.

Dani:    You're not coming?

Author:    I'll try to make it before you guys start the service, but I don't know.  (Dani leaves)

Spike:      Leah, I know that for some odd reason you feel like you can't leave-

Author:    I think Bubba and RVD stole Smokey.

RVD:       I DIDN'T STEAL SMOKEY! (Scott Hall enters in his Barbie mobile laughing, Raven enters in his shopping cart, Nash in his electric wheelchair, Jeff and Veronica follow suit in Scott Halls' golf cart.)

Author:    Oh come on guys!  I'm still recovering from last episode!  

Scott:       We want to file a case.  
Author:    Finally, talk to Kevin Kelly.

RVD:       Where's Smokey?  I think you're hurting the poor guy!  (They bicker in the background)

Scott:       Kevin Kelly, me, Jeffro Hardy, Veronica Lady, and Kevin Nash anted to sue the Undertaker.

K.K.:       Why?

Scott:       He cheated.

K.K.:        How? And in what?

Scott:       He won the race.

K.K.:       And how exactly did he cheat?

Scott:       Because he won the race.

K.K.:       By cheating?

Scott:      (annoyed) Can we sue him or not?

K.K.:      Legally speaking?  No.  But, technically, the Rock can't decide cases either.  So sure.  Have fun! (You hear the Author crying in the background)  What the hell did you do Rob?

RVD:     Nothing!  She accused me of stealing something and then she just started to cry!

Spike:    (trying to comfort Leah) What's wrong?

Author:     …Smokey…

RVD:     Is he sick?  I'm sure somebody knows how to take care of him!  I know you're still mad at me for breaking tradition and whatever and I'm really sorry.  I didn't know you couldn't name him till he was two!  I thought you just hadn't named him yet!  I'm really sorry!

Author:     ….Smokey….ran…away from me!!!  (Author starts crying loudly)

RVD:        Smokey left her Spike?  (Spike looked just as confused as RVD)  Are you sure he left you?  (no response, just cries)  Leah?  Come on, I'm sure Smokey didn't run away from ya.  (Whimpering is heard, but no other response)  

Spike:        Rob, just give her Smokey back.

RVD:         Man, that is so totally uncool.  I did NOT steal Smokey.

Author:      If you didn't steal him, then he ran away.

RVD:       What about the Hurri-dork?

Author:     It wasn't him.  Smokey ran away from me.  I guess we should go to the wedding.  (Leah gets up and leaves still pouting over the loss of her prayfish)

Spike:       I guess I should follow her.  Rob, find Smokey?

RVD:        I will, I promise.   (Spike walked towards the door of the courtroom)

Spike:       (Now standing at the door, almost outside of the courtroom) You know, you're like a brother then me.  Hell, in ECW Tazz, Dreamer, and you were the only guys who would even acknowledge.  Alright, so you were better then my brothers on most occasions, but I swear if you took Smokey, I will kick your ass.

RVD:        I'm (does thumb thing) Rob Van Dam! I don't steal.  But, I have an idea.  Just go to the wedding.  Meanwhile, the Rock will deal with Everyone vs. the Undertaker.  I will get a plan to find out who stole Smokey. (Spike leaves)  I'm going to talk to my first suspect-

Rock:      Do you think you're Gregory Helms too?  The Rock says one of those guys walking around is too many if you ask the Rock.

RVD:     We didn't.  Shut up.  I think the Hurricane stole Smokey.  Bye.  (RVD leaves)

Rock:     What is the Rock supposed to do?  (Taker comes in)

Taker:     Why am I here?

Veronica:    Cheater!

Taker:      What did you say boy?  I mean, woman.

Veronica:   ……..

Taker:      I asked you a  question.

Veronica:   ………

Taker:      I DEMAND RESPECT!

Veronica:   (barely audible)  I forgot the question sir.

Taker:      Forget it lil' lady. Rocky, why am I here?

Rock:      (K.K. hands him a paper) Thanks Hermie.  It says um…. Vs.  Undertaker.

Taker:     It says what?

Rock:      It's not legible.  (Scott Hall, Veronica, Raven, Kevin Nash, and Jeff Hardy leave the room unnoticed.)  Can you read this Hermy?

K.K.:      (mumbles evil things about the Rock under his breathe, picks up the paper, reads it normal)  It says "We, the (pause) New which is crossed out, (pauses) um, Flock, but that's crossed out too, (pauses again) n.W.o.  which is crossed out, and then it says, well I think it says Wolfpac but that is crossed out too.  Then, there is a lot of scribbles.  Following the scribbles is something, I think that's a foreign language!  Under that, it says "Flockpac" but even that is crossed out.

Rock:        The Flockpac?

Kevin:       Yup.  Two WCW factions rolled into one.

Rock:        Flockpac?   Where are you?  (Music hits.  Raven crowing then it switches to original n.W.o theme and then to the Wolfpac theme.  After the music plays, Kevin Nash enter standing next to each other.  Behind Raven is Veronica, behind her is Jeff Hardy who is being dragged along.  Scott Hall is standing behind Kevin Nash.)  You're the Flockpac?

Raven:      Yes.

Taker:        Boy, you better have a good reason for being here.

Raven:       We are not degenerates and by not being a degenerate, we have minds.  We are not afraid to use them and would not waste the time of ourselves.  We have better things to do than rant unneeded rants.  We are here as members who wish for justice when they are stricken with injustice.  We have great reasons for our presence in this courtroom.  We, the members, of the Flock have decided-

Kevin:        (Kevin stands over Raven, obviously overpowering him) Excuse me?

Raven:        Sorry Nash.  The members of the Flock-PAC are suing the  Undertaker for heinous actions and degenerate behavior.  (Raven uses a bunch of big words and talks for about five minutes.  Rock starts looking at his watch, a few members of the Flockpac are starting to fall asleep.)  We know what you are up to Taker and this heinous actions you have been using against us and our group.  We are completely against your actions and find them despicable, we believe you are spreading your hostility throughout the world.  Not only that, but, you act as if everyone is a fool and you are the only smart creature remaining.  You see, Undertaker, the matter of the fact is that we are not fools.  We only play pawns in your game, but when the time comes and the world aligns itself ready for the perfect moment you will fail and the wrath of Raven will be felt again.  This time with an extreme force because the Flockpac will be standing with him and creating all that is us.  We will remind the world of the fools they are and once again you will be playing in my game of chess and I will murder you're King.  You see, we have already---

Rock:           Shut up!

Undertaker:   Thank You. Listen, Rock, we all know that I don't really like you.  But, you know these accusations are COMPLETELY false. (long pause) Wait, a damn minute, do you even know WHAT they are accusing me of?

Rock:           .......

Undertaker:    You Don't!

Rock:          Nope, don't really care either.  Flockpac care to inform us what you are suing the Undertaker for?

Raven:        AS I was saying---

Rock:         NO! Shut up!  In less then six words, explain your case against Taker.

Raven:        .......

Kevin:       I'll take this one Raven. Simply put, YOU CHEAT TAKER!

Undertaker:   You guys want a re-match err.. I mean a re-race?

Flockpac:      YES!

Undertaker:   All you had to do was ask, I would have given you guys one.

Raven:       (walks to the door, holds it open) Are you going or not?

Taker:        To steal the Rock's phrase: Just Bring it! Let's go.  (The Flock-pac and Taker walk out the door)  Ok, where do we start and where do we end?

Raven:        We start here, we end in the ring.  But, we have to go through Bischoff's office.

Taker:         Why the Bisch's office?

Raven:         Haven't you heard that there is a reward out for who ever tortures Bischoff the most?

Taker:        I heard the one about Triple H.  Bisch has the same deal?

Raven:        Naw, Trips is worth a little more money.  There was a third person on the list, I'm just forgetting who.

Veronica:   Was it Edge?

Raven:        No. Let's just start the race.  First one who gets to the ring wins.  But, you have to go do two circles around Pickoffs office.  Against all of our wishes Nick Patrick is at Bischoffs office and will make sure everybody does two runs.

Undertaker:   Couldn't you get Choita (sp?) or someone?

Raven:        Well, just to be fair, we have Brian Hebner there too.  One Smackdown! and one Raw ref even if the Raw ref sucks.

Undertaker:  I'm almost afraid to ask, but who's at the finish-line?

Raven:         Mike Choita and that guy who resembles Spike Dudley.

Undertaker:   Spike Dudley still wrestles.

Raven:         I know, it's not Spike Dudley.  It's a Raw ref.  He looks a lot like Spike Dudley.

Undertaker:   What's his name?

Raven:         We aren't really sure.  I mean we tried figuring it out, but then we just kept talking about how much he remind us of the smaller Dudley.

Undertaker:  Oh! I know who you guys are talking about.  Charles Robinson, you're right he does look a lot like Spike.  Are you ready to start this race?

Raven:         Yes, we are.  We need someone to start the race for us. (The Rock storms out of his courtroom)

Rock:          Are you telling the Rock that the Rock does NOT get to decide this case?

Raven:         Basically, we settled out of court.

Rock:          So, the Rock gets to go home?

Raven:        Nope.  Rock, can you count down from five and start our race for us?

Rock:          (overly exicited) OK!!!! Five, Four, Three, Two, One, Jabronis start your engines! (they all race off.) Now, what do I do?

K.K.:          Go home.  (Kevin Kelly and the Rock leave.)

MEANWHILE, BACK IN RVD'S DRESSING ROOM...

RVD:         So, Hurricane, if that is you're real name...Did you steal Smokey??

Hurricane:   Dude, Rob, I didn't steal Smokey, if anyone did it would be you.  I mean, you did try to steal him from me   Now, please, let me go.  And by the way, you so totally know my name is Shane.

RVD:        I'm on to you Hurricane, I'm on to you.

Hurricane:   Rob, you're scaring me here.  And, I'm just going to leave you alone now...(Hurricane walked out of the room)

RVD:        Who stole that damn pray-fish?!?!???

HA! I am deciding to end it..........here..........sorry for the some-what mary-sue esque style.   I had do to finish somethings for my friends so I don't get die soon.  Well, I might anyway, but this is just kinda so it doesn't happen a whole lot sooner.  I hope you enjoyed this, please R&R.

**Who stole Smokey?  Will Rob ever find it out?**

**How many tables at a Dudley Family wedding?  How many people go through tables?**

**Who won the Race? Does the Undertaker really cheat?**

**Does anyone else think that Robinson guy looks like Spike?**

**How many people are going to get paid for hurting Bischoff? Trips?**

**When well I next update this?**

_Author:    To tell you the Truth, I hope its soon.  But, I got struck with an idea earlier today, and I might make a one chapter story about that first.  Did I mention my friends are making me write some porn? *that won't be posted on FF.net because of the no NC-17 or above rule!* I really hope I can put this story to rest soon as I'm kinda out of inspiration with Rock gone.  I don't know.  I have at least two more chapters left in me.  Maybe more.  Who knows?  Well, I hope you guys liked this....If you didn't I apologize for yet ANOTHER horrible story.....Later._

**How many times do I have to add a few questions for some random unknown impact?**

**What about Raven?**

**And the most important question of all:**

**Why isn't anyone reviewing?**


	8. I MISS SMOKEY! WHO STOLE HIM?

PEOPLE'S COURT

**Main Characters:**

Too Many To Name (There are a lottttttttttt in this chapter!)

**Disclaimer:**  I, Leah aka The Innovator Of Randomity, do not take any credit (or most likely blame) for this fan fiction.  I didn't feel like writing it, so I gave it over to my friends.  Dani Dudley and Veronica (AKA The President Of The DRS) took it over.  Thank you guys, especially Dani, for writing this chapter.  Anyway- WE are not responsible for stupid activity and or anything you do after reading this fiction.  We own jack shit (well we own a couple harems.. hehehe..)  Suing would a waste of time.

**MOST IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER:** Yea, Dani has a really dirty mind, so I can't promise you this to be wholesome.  HAHAHA. Oh yea, I am for the most part "Author" even if I'm not writing it.  And, Dani is a bitch.  If she doesn't like somebody they will feel her wrath, and she's very opinionated.  So, you've been warned.  ENJOY!

Rock**:**         Hello? (No one answers) Did I miss the proceedings again? (Still no answer) The Rock doesn't like this. (lights flicker on. People start filing in.) What is going on? The Rock demands to          know! (No response) Hello?

Taker**:**        Hey Rocky.

Kane**:**         Hi Rock, Taker. (They shake hands)

Rock**: **        Ummm...I don't wanna get beat up! (The Rock continues whining)

Taker**:**       Shut up Boy. RVD is gathering everyone who has appeared in the last three chapters.

Rock**: **        Why?

Taker**:        **I have no idea.

Rock**:**         Can the Rock leave?

Taker**:**        Nope. (Jason Mewes enters)

Jason**:**        Whoa...

Kane**:**         You were in clerks.

Jason**:**        Yes, I was.

Kane:        Dude, you rock.

Jason**:**        Snoogans. (The Island Boys enter)

Rosy**:**        Why are we here again?

Jamal**:       **Dunno. (Kevin Kelly enters)

Kevin**:**        RVD should be here soon. (Stasiak enters)

Stasiak**:      **er? (The Author and RVD enter)

RVD:         Hello again.

Author:      What's going on Rob?

RVD:        I'm collecting everyone form the last 3 chapters. I figure their person who kidnapped Smokey

Veronica:(jumps down from the ceiling) Muwhahhahahaz...I have taken over...Leah is lost...Leah--you will regret this.

RVD:          (goes on talking like she is not there) I'm gonna get everyone from the last chapters and put each one of them on trial.

Author:(jumps up and down) find Smokey damn it

Veronica:  Wait a second, I am the new author, but I don't want to write because it's too much work. No I don't want to. You do it. Shut up! I'm not a whore damn it. No you're an assclown. Damn it I hate you. Fine I'll do it but I'm ruining your story. (runs away)

Dani:         BUBBA IS NOT FIRED DAMMIT!

Leah:         Shut the hell up. Yes he is. (Dani has now taken over writing this stupid thing so Leah is now referred to as Leah instead of  author for all you assclowns who can't figure that out)

Dani:         You know what...no. I'm taking over now so SCREW YOU!

Leah:         Buy me dinner and flowers first...

Dani:         That's my line! You whore...anywhoo...who else needs to be here? (looks at list Leah gave her)  Well first off..*RNN music*

Randy**:    **Good Evening! Randy Orton here. Due to circumstances unknown to the current author, Starfallen, FemalePhenom, Y2D, and AngryMew2 have inexplicably gone missing. To help find them, please send your cash donations to...(fades out)

Dani:          Well, that's done. Leah, I hope you don't mind that your story is gonna be crap. Where's HBK?

HBK:         (Comes in through the roof) Howdy. I was just at church.

Dani:        Cut the crap. You and RVD go find all the rest of the people on this list. (hands them the list--           they just look at it) HURRY UP!

HBK:         Fine.

Dani:          SHAWN!

HBK:         WHAT?!

Dani:          What's HBK stand for?

HBK:         Oh. My. God.

Dani:         (puzzled) Forget it. Now go. (they leave, then somebody knocks the door down)  What now? (HHH walks in, dragging Veronica and Matt Hardy by their large, and rat-like ears and chained to Jeff Hardy)

HHH:         I CAUGHT THESE THREE IN MY CHEESE AGAIN!

Dani**: **        Oops, sorry. Silly DRS. Hey, stay here kids. RVD wanted to do something bout Smokey I think...(mumbles) OK everybody sits down or something...

Jeff:           Kinda a problem here, sir.

Dani:    ..what? Oh, you're still chained to HHH's ass. Give me the key.

HHH:         Umm...I lost it.

Dani**:**          Horse shit. You're just enjoying it. Give me the key and you can have your 'Jeffy Lube' back later.

HHH:         Fine. (hands Dani the key and winks at Jeff)

Jeff:           ..help...

Dani:         (to Jeff) You're still in trouble for eating my hamster.

Jeff:          I'M SORRY! (apologetically) It tasted good!

Dani:         Shut up. All of you. Where's HBK and RVD? And what's up with all these initials?

Rock:        The Rock is bored.

Kane:        Should we care?

Leah:         *sniff* I miss Smokey! (There's a big rumble and men's voices singing in the background.    Suddenly, a big hay truck bursts through the courtroom wall, with HBK and RVD in the cab. In the back are some 20 random people, so when people randomly appear in this story now you   know where they come from. They are all heartily singing Kumbaya and drinking apple cider)

HBK:            (jumping down from the cab) OK kids, the hay ride's over! Everybody out!

Everybody:   awwwwwww.....

RVD:            Come on, we've got trials to do, and with the Rock as judge, it's gonna take a while.

Rock:       ..My courtroom...waaaaaahhhhhh!!! (runs into chambers)

RVD:Kevin, go get him.

K.K.:        Why do I gotta always deal with him?

RVD:      'Cause that's what you get paid to do.

KK:          I don't get paid.

RVD:       I'm in charge now so move it!

KK:          Fine, fine...(goes after Rock, mumbling)

RVD:(to everyone) Now, you may all be wondering why you're here...

Booker:    No shit, sucka.

RVD:       Don't interrupt my speech! Anyway, as you may or may not know, Leah's pet prayfish has gone missing. Seeing as how she blames me (gives Leah a dirty look), I plan to try each and every one of you until I find out who took him.

Dani:        Dammit.  (Kevin comes back with Rock, who is chewing on a Zwieback cookie. Rock meanders up to the judge's seat and looks lost)

RVD:   Ok, now we can finally start. My 1st...Trial person...is Spike Dudley! (a loud DUN DUN DUN echoes through the room)

Leah:        What the hell was that? 

Hurricane:     Sorry, citizen Leah. I had to add that for (dramatic pause) dramatic effect.

RVD:         SPIKE, you may approach the stand.

Spike:         Do I have a choice?

RVD:   Are bunnies purple?

Spike:       They could be...

Dani:          BUNNIES ARE EVIL!

RVD:       Anyway...(the lights go out and some mad pyrotechnics start. John Mellencamp jumps out with a guitar and starts jumping around and playing)

Dani:       (Bursting into song) Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes...they got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses...and what's with all the carrots? What do they needs such good eyesight for anywaaaaaay? (song ends, everything goes back to normal. Well, not normal, but how it was before.) THE BUNNIES STOLE SMOKEY!! (Confidentially, to RVD) They're trying to take over the world, you know.

RVD:     Um, no, don't think so. Anyway, Spike. Where were you on the night of October the 20th at precisely 10 pm?

Spike:        I was...with Leah.

RVD:       You hesitated! Why?

Spike:       'Cause.

RVD:       Mmhmm...could it be because....YOU STOLE SMOKEY?

Spike:  Dude. Why would I do that? Leah and me are kind of engaged. Which means I'm not allowed to        be mean to her. Unlike the rest of you assclowns.

Jericho:Hey! I resent that.

Spike:        Resent it all you want, buddy.

RVD:       Can we get back to the 'trial' here? Spike, what were you and Leah doing at the aforementioned time?

Spike:Well, we played with Smokey for al little while and then...I don't know if I'm at liberty to say.

RVD:        Aha! And why not?

Spike:      First of all, it's my personal life. Second, this is an R-rated story, so we can't exactly go into details here. (looks at Leah, who is apparently very happy with herself) Let's just say we were both 'indisposed' and that's why Smokey got stolen in the first place.

RVD:       Oh...drugs right? It's OK, I _was_ on the cover of High Times, you know. I understand these things.

Spike:        No...oh geez...You see, Rob, when a man and a woman love each other very much...or are just  really horny...

RVD:        OH! Geez, lil' buddy, there's no need to go into detail!

Spike:          Jesus! (poof)

Jesus:          Yes?

Dani:           AHHHH!!! MAKE IT STOP! (runs to Bubba) Make it go away...

Bubba:        DANIELLE!!

Dani:           What?

Bubba:        GET THE TABLES!

Dani:            Oh, that. (gets tables and sets them up)

Bubba:That's it, Jesus. You're goin' down. A little help here, Kane?

Kane:           Ok! (chokeslams Jesus and puts him on the table)

Dani:           Yay! (Bubba gets up on the stand and jumps on top of Jesus, sending him crashing through the        table. Muwahhaha)

Jesus:Fine, I'm leaving.

RVD:         Alright Spike, you're cleared. (checks Spike off of list) Next is...(groans) the Rock.

Rock:         But the Rock is the judge!

RVD:        Unfortunately, we know. You're probably too stupid to pull off something like this, but not interrogating you would be a violation of truth, justice, and the American way.

Rock:          The Rock gets to be a comic book hero?

Hurricane:Holy insinuation! The Rock is trying to steal the Hurricane's job!

Dani:            Hold on everybody!!! Dani needs some inspiration now. (runs to stereo and puts on Van Halen)  Mucho better. Whoh, whoh, whoh, Jaime's cryin...

Leah:           Would you shut up? You're ruining my story.

Dani:            I didn't think it could be any worse so I decided to showcase one of my many talents to Chris        Jericho who thinks he's a rock star even though he's not because I hate him.

Leah:           ....?

RVD:          ANYWAY...Rock can you come to the stand please?

Rock:          The Rock doesn't want to.

RVD:          Too bad.

Rock:          Will you give the Rock pie?

RVD:           Perhaps.

Rock:          The Rock says he will only come if you give him pie.

RVD:          Fine, fine, you'll get your pie. Just get your scrawny and non-delicious butt over here.

Dani:          Non-delicious?

RVD:        Hey, you're writing this. It's your fault.

Dani:          Poo.

RVD:        Rock, where were you on October the 20th at precisely 10 pm?

Rock:         The Rock says don't use so many big words. Please.

RVD:         Where were you 2 1/2 weeks ago at sleepy time?

Rock:The Rock was....The Rock can't remember.

RVD:         Rock? Please? I need to know.

Rock:        The Rock says, If you smelllllllllahhhhhhhh what the Rock is cooking. (He gives RVD the People's eyebrow)

RVD:         Alright, you're cleared. This is too frustrating.

Rock:         Pie?

RVD:         Later.

Rock:         NOW!

RVD:         Fine! It's out on the median on the 210. If you hit all the cars on the way there I'll give you another one when you get back.

Rock:         Weeeee! Pie!

Dani:         (pokes Leah) pssssssstt LEAH! Have you noticed that we are two of the very few women here?

Leah:         You have too much time on your hands.

Dani:         I blame you. Too bad we're not both engaged.

Leah:        Oh go away.

Dani:        Fine you poo.

RVD:       My next victim...I mean...yeah...is the Flock Pac?

FP:          (as a group) yaaaaaaay

RVD:      OK...well...where were you guys on October 20th at 10?

Veronica:    Flocking.

RVD:        Flocking?

Veronica:        Yes.

RVD:        Which is...?

Veronica:We're not exactly sure as of this moment.

RVD:         Why did I even bother with this? Where's Jeff Hardy? I thought he was in this...thing...too.

Veronica:  He got kicked out.

RVD:        Right. How did that race turn out, anyway?

Veronica: Umm...I think Bischoff ate Taker.

Taker:       Nope. I'm right here. He tried to though.

RVD:        That it, I'm switching next Monday. Stephanie, here I come.

Leah:          You're not allowed to anymore.

RVD:         Dammit. Alright, you guys are cleared due to flocking. Whatever the hell that is. Next up is...HHH!

HHH:        (wakes up) What?

Tommy:    Wake up you tool, get up to the stand, before I whip you with the back of my hand!

Dani:        Wo0o0o0o0o0o! That rhymes!

Leah**:**        Hey Dani, what does HBK stand for?

Dani:         Shut up! Jesus Murphy I'm writing this and you're still not nice to me.

RVD:        Can we get moving here? This isn't fun anymore.

HHH:        No kidding. (finally at the stand) Alright, what?

RVD:        Where were you October 20th at 10pm?

HHH:        Do I hafta tell you?

RVD:       Yup.

HHH:        (mumbles)

RVD:         What?

HHH:        Ice Skating.

RVD:        (laughing hysterically) You were WHAT?

HHH:         You heard me. (explodes) YEAH, ICE SKATING! WITH A LITTLE PINK TUTU AND EVERYTHING! DAMMIT NOW YOU KNOW! GO TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS! YOU CAN  ALL GO TO HELL! (stomps out of the courtroom)

RVD:         Ok...well...(still hysterical)...HHH is cleared due to...(doubles over laughing)

Dani:          I KNEW IT! I TOLD YOU SO!

RVD:Ok...geez...(calms down)...next to the stand is...Bubba Ray Dudley. (Bubba grudgingly goes up  to the stand) Now, where were you on October 20th at 10pm?

Bubba:       I was with Dani.

RVD:         Doing what?

Bubba:       OK! FINE! I wasn't with Dani.  I lied.  I was closing her harem.

Dani:          (yells) YOU WERE DOING WHAT?!?!?

Bubba:        I was closing you're harem.  I don't think that you should have a harem when you're engaged.  It's not right.

Dani:          Well, I have something to tell you.  The Harem you closed was Leah's.  HA!

Leah:          YOU CLOSED MY HAREM?!?!? YOU YOU YOU SON OF A BITCH! That's why Turkoglu is missing.  I thought he escaped.  I will get you back Bubba Ray Dudley, if it's the last thing I do.  I will…get you back….

Bubba:            So, Dani, are we ok?

Dani:              Nope. Leah and I will be plotting you're demise.

Spike:            Come on you guys, can't we just get along?!?!

Leah and Dani:    HE CLOSED OUR HAREMS!

Spike:             (pointing and laughing at Bubba) You're screwed. 

Bubba:           Will you forgive me if I recollect every single guy in each harem and get you add two new ones?

Leah:               (shakes hands with Bubba) Deal.

Dani:               (kisses Bubba) Deal.

RVD:              Can we get back to the case here?!?

Everyone:       Ok.

RVD:          Where was I? Oh yea, Bubba, if you attempting to close down various harems then how come you were STEALING SMOKEY?!

Bubba:            Rob, you're worse than the Rock and you're boring the hell out of me.  But, and most importantly, I have a wedding to get to so, I ADMIT IT! I STOLE HIM!

Leah:                THAT'S IT! NOW YOU'RE REALLY FIRED! AND THIS TIME NO ONE AND I MEAN **NO ONE **WILL TRICK ME INTO RE-HIRING YOU! (glares at Dani)  I WILL ASK YOU THIS **ONE **TIME, WHERE IS HE BUH-BUHHH?

Bubba:            Relax, lady. Me and Dani needed a ring bearer for our wedding. You'll get him back after. Now             that we figured this out, can we get going? I have a wedding to get to. Specifically, mine. That you're all invited to, by the way. (Leah looks confused)

Dani:               It's true. I helped.

Leah:               Fine. But I'm still mad at you.

Dani:               Don't worry. It's worth it. We bought you a present to make up for it.

Leah:               Present? What present? GIMME!

Bubba:           Well...the flower girl.

Leah:              Er?

Dani:             We stole another pray-fish from the zoo to be the flower girl and it's not named yet so we're giving it to you.

Leah:     ....I almost forgive you.

Bubba:         Can we get going?

Dani:             Wo0o0o0o0o I'm finally getting married!! (later, at the wedding. the 'here comes the bride' music starts up and a prayfish in a pink frilly dress wanders down the aisle, spilling over baskets of flower petals that are lying every here and there. Smokey is waiting at the altar with Bubba. Dani walks down the aisle, blah blah blah.)

Leah:          *sniff* That was beautiful. Now Smokey has a friend!

Dani:           Yeah, I know. You love me.

Leah:           Don't push it.  I still haven't fully forgiven you.

---------Dani ran out of inspiration--------- (Leah took over again)

Veronica:    Get her a chibbi.

Dani:           I'll give you a chibbi.

Leah:           I forgive you Dani, but not you Bubba. Nah-uh.

Bubba:        What? 

Spike:         This can't be good.

Bubba:        (yells) DANI!

Dani:           (yells back at him) STOP YELLING AT ME!!

Bubba:        (ignoring her) GET THE TABLES!

Dani:           (yells) FINE! (gets a table, sets it up) Happy?

Bubba:         Thank you.  (Picks up Leah, slams her through the table.)

Leah:          (twitch) Mean.

Bubba:        Let's go Dani, we have a marriage to consummate.  (they leave, Leah twitches)

THE END

Oh yea, that was horrible.  Sorry guys.  Thanks to alllllll the people who have ever reviewed my story, I really appreciate it!  I have no idea when the next update will be, I think I might go back to my roots and write some, random shit…but, who knows.  *waives* Hey, Inspiration, yea, down here! Care to hit me?? (Scott Hall hits me over the head) MEAN! That's not what I meant. Anyway, my sexy boy toy got hurt.  I will get Joe Smith..yes, I will.  Anyway, I'm off to visit Hedo Turkoglu (aka Turkiah) in Minnesota. Stupid Joe Smith, hurt my Turkiah.  

Spike:         You're going where?

Leah:           No-where.  (runs away) HAHHAHAHAHA YOU CAN'T CATCH ME!!!!!! (Christian stops me)

Christian:    HEY!

Leah:          Uh-oh.

Christian:   I thought you were going to protect me from the Dudleys.

Leah:         Um….

Christian:    I don't count get my clothes stolen and get a towel pulled off me during RAW a LIVE SHOW as protection.

Leah:          What state was this in?

Christian:   South Carolina.

Leah:          Out of my jurisdiction sorry. 

Christian:   What jurisdiction?

Leah:         It was in our contract.

Christian:   What contract?

Leah:          Gotta go.  (Runs away with Christian, Spike, and the Flock-pac following close behind.  Christian and Spike are yelling at Leah while the Flock-pac is yelling at each other trying to figure out what they are running after.)

**Is Turkiah Hurt? .**

_I hope not.. My poor turkiah._

**Is Leah gonna say "Happy Thanksgiving Day?"**

_Technically, I just did!_

**Who won the race from a few chapters ago?**

_What Race?_

**Did anyone successfully hurt Trips or Bischoff?**

Apparently not.  Hopefully soon. Sean Morely gets added to this list too for screwing the Dudleyz!

A friendly reminder of the Commandments…

**1) ****THOU SHALT NOT STEAL**

**2) ****THOU SHALT NOT KILL**

**3) **(THE MOST IMPORTANT)****

THOU SHALT NOT FUCK WITH THE DUDLEY BOYZ!


End file.
